Satire: Outrage over Sreesanth holding an MRF bat

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, and is meant to be in jest.

When legendary Kerala actor dancer fast bowler Shantakumaran Sreesanth came out to bat during Monday’s match, it wasn’t just Danny Morrison who screamed loudly. There was outrage across the country, the world actually, over the eccentric Malayalee’s appendage – which happened to be an MRF bat.

Such outrage would not have been called for, in normal circumstances – after all, a bat is a bat. However, the MRF bat has been seen as iconic – having been yielded by former legend Sachin Tendulkar, during many of his most memorable innings. In addition, the MRF bat has been seen as insignia for many of the world’s leading batsmen during that era – including Tendulkar’s nemesis in who-is-the-best-batsman discussions in bars around the world – Brian Lara, and the man cooler than a Voltas technician – Steve Waugh. Subsequently, the iconic logo has also been seen on the bat of Gautam Gambhir, but that was at a time when his form was more like Donald Bradman than Donald Duck.

And now, none other than the man who did this:

and this:

yields the proud MRF logo.

Understandably, there has been massive outrage in cricketing circles. Many feel that this act belittles the many achievements of Tendulkar, Lara and Waugh.

“I mean, come on… How can you have Sreesanth following in those footsteps, man?”, fumed a gentleman from the Anti-Sreesanth Symposium (A.S.S.). “It’s like the Fender Stratocaster guitar being passed down from Clapton to Hendrix to Iron Maiden to Baba Sehgal. It’s like a Ferrari being endorsed by Schumacher, Vettel and then Digvijay Singh. It’s like the Congress being headed by… Oh wait…”, he stuttered, realising that his analogies had run out.

His sentiments were echoed by another colleague from A.S.S., who claimed that the IPL was responsible for everything – from belittling Test legends, to unruly behaviour, to global warming. “Sreesanth holding an MRF bat in a cricket match? Cha…! Can happen only in a T20 match. If it were a Test, the umpire would have given him out immediately, for showing such insolence! Cricketers today think they can get away with anything! The cheek!”, he thundered, quickly stopping Harbhajan Singh who looked on excitedly nearby as he heard ‘Sreesanth’ and ‘cheek’ in the same sentence.

However, the legends themselves were not worried too much. “It’s cool man. Hopefully he’ll be able to make a few runs”, said Brian Lara, before going off to play some beach cricket.

Waugh was more hard-hitting, as always. “Bullshit. If you thought it was just a bat that helped you make 10000 runs, mate… You should really get your head checked.”

“For the last time, I’m NOT considering retir… Oh, wait… This was about something else?”, asked a puzzled Sachin Tendulkar.

If reports are to be believed, FMCG giant Colgate-Palmolive plans to outrage Kapil Dev fans across the country by getting Ravindra Jadeja to say, “Palmolive da jawab nahin!”

Thank goodness for the Zoozoos.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, and is meant to be in jest.