Spot-fixing suspects to be made to watch Jhumping Jhapaak till they confess

In a fresh bout of brutality, the Delhi Police has unveiled their latest inhuman tactic – the suspects of spot-fixing will be made to watch Jhumping Jhapaak for hours, till they finally can take no more, break down, and confess.

“It’s a devious scheme and cannot fail. The average cricket viewer cannot go 10 seconds without wanting to either poke their ears deaf, or change the channel once the horror of a song is on.”, said a senior member of the Delhi Police Force.

This new idea of torture-till-confess, believes the police, will save much time and energy, not to mention costs. “Our idiot cops went and read Harry Potter – and spent the next 5 months trying to formulate Veritaserum”, lamented the cop.

The SET MAX team is not amused. “Hey, this was supposed to be our promotional campaign. People were supposed to love it and it was supposed to be the anthem of the nation. When did it start becoming a torture device?”, bellowed a SET MAX executive, who was then told that he just described every Himesh Reshammiya song ever.

Ankeet Chavan, who was granted bail for his wedding, was already shivering in fright. “I’ve never heard the song but my friends – including Jack (Hehe. Wink wink) tell me it’s the worst ever possible way to string musical notes together. Plus, I hear Samir Kochchar and Gaurav Kapoor are dancing. Surely, there cannot be a worse and more embarrassing sight in cricket?”, he said, clearly unaware of Saurav Ganguly’s shirt-twirling at Lord’s, which had an entire nation collectively celebrate and facepalm at the same time.

==

It appears being made to watch the IPL horror song is not the only means of torture that was devised. Other brutal methods of worming the truth out of straying cricketers were also shortlisted. Sportskeeda has managed to unearth the facts for you:

1. Being forced to have lunch with both Danny Morrison and Ravi Shastri.

2. Being forced to be seen in public in a Pune Warriors XI jersey.

3. Sitting in Navjot Sidhu’s tie wardrobe without eye protection.

4. Watching Rochelle Rao and Samir Kochchar do the Zumi Zumi dance.

5. Be ‘William Tell’ target practice for Chris Gayle. Apple on head, Gayle trying to knock it off.

6. Look at Ravindra Jadeja‘s moustache without laughing.

Incidentally, ‘share a room with Sreesanth’ was another shortlisted torture method that the police had drawn up. “Haha, ironic, isn’t it?”, cooed the police officer gleefully, looking at an increasingly nervous-looking Chandila.

DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction written for humorous purposes and should be taken in jest.