What does a healthy attachment style look like in adults? 

There isn't a single definition of what a healthy attachment style can look like. How one sees it may be different from someone else's.

However, there are certain markers that make it different from other forms of attachment styles. One of the most common traits of healthy attachments is that they make you feel safe and can foster your growth.

Healthy attachment in adults becomes the basis of a secure emotional life. It ensures that individuals feel bonded and also becomes a motivating force to achieve personal goals.

You may wonder, can there really be healthy relationships? Yes, there are a lot of people with happy, healthy relationships, but they are doing things to make them that way. Most of us have to learn these things and practice them. It doesn’t work as well if only one of you cares about the relationship.

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What does a healthy attachment style look like?

Attachment styles influence our everyday interactions and not only romantic ones. (Image via Freepik)

Healthy attachment styles are like a box of mixed chocolates. You are most likely going to love the idea of eating chocolate. However, you may not like all the flavors, and their taste may also surprise you.

Scientifically, personal growth thrives when you are in a relationship with someone who has a healthy attachment style. In these relationships, you feel emotionally safe with another person. You are able to work through attachment issues and can explore your innermost thoughts and emotions.

Attachment serves as a gentle, reassuring voice telling you that it's fine to explore your interests, dreams and passions. With a healthy attachment, you're more equipped to grow in all other areas of your life. Building a secure attachment relationship is one of the best ways to foster your own personal growth.

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How can I move towards a healthy attachment style?

Movement doesn't happen overnight and can take effort. (Image via Freepik)

Every step towards your mental health counts, and it generally starts with self-awareness.

When we have solid social support, we know that there's a cushion to fall back on. Try to think about your values and ideals in a relationship. Try to imagine what type of relationships you would like your children to have. Will you be comfortable dating someone as your own partner?

If you have an anxious attachment style, it's possible to move towards a secure attachment. A partner who's secure can help someone who feels anxious. However, a person who's avoidant or unaware of another person's needs can exacerbate it.

Perhaps one of the biggest keys to relationship issues is working on communication. A lot of us try to convey, but listening is also an important tool for working out conflicts.

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A healthy attachment is made up of dependence and independence. If you're too clingy and can't give someone space, it's unhealthy dependence. If you're too unavailable and aloof and people can't ever get close to you, it's unhealthy independence.

Getting the balance right is sometimes the work of life and relationships, especially if you've been injured in your attachments from childhood or romantic relationships.

When that balance is reached in a secure bond with someone else, you will experience a beautiful mixture of security and freedom that neither person on their own can have.

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Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.

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