24 News Channel- "Dhoni sparks inter-state war/We are high on drugs"

Television is an invaluable medium for conveying important information to the mass population through its channels. Ok, maybe not all TV channels, but at least the news channels can be relied upon to spread important information, right?

Ulti pulti news thodi hi dikhayenge?

……

Ok, let’s start again.

It is an expensive affair to host a channel, record programmes and air them. One can take it for granted that a channel, especially a news channel, wouldn’t go to such troubles if it’s news content didn’t measure up to the standard expected from it.

It stands to reason that when those responsible channels use the words ‘Breaking News’, the news must indeed be ground breaking or breaking perceptions or breaking something right?

………

I don’t follow cricket. Above news info might be classified as ‘Breaking’. Pata nahi.

More breaking.

Breaking your hold on your sanity with deformed ambigram twins.

Two are better than one.

How do they pee?

Let’s ask Gabbar.

Gabbar: Kitnee aadmi they? (What, you were expecting some other response?)

Samba: Do aadmi they Sarkar.

Gabbar: Pakka?

Samba: Are ek minute! Nahi Nahi! Char they! Char! Twins count for two each!

(Nameless dakus sniggering in the background. “Ab to Samba gaya. Mwahaha. Hahaha”)

24 Channel: “Lo, char aadmi bana dete hain. Humara kya jaata hai.”

Gabbar: Is baar Bhagwaan ne bacha liya re Samba.

Samba: (thinking) Pehli baar neurotic thinking kaam aayi.

(Who left waala aadmi kaun hai?)

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Ok, that may have been from comedy hour or something. Time for some serious news.

Ok, this looks serious. Rajyo ka bhidna mamuli baat nahi hai.

Their faces are appropriately glum too.

Kya maamla hai? (Right waala aadmi thoda jaana pehchana lagta hai)

Jharkhand and Uttarakhand may be on the verge of a war! Kisliye?

Dhoni ke liye.

Faisla dishum dishum se hoga. Ya rassakashi se. In me se koi ek.

(btw Pehchan liya maine! Cricket Kaptaan hai yeh!)

Dhoni: Aakhir main hun kiska?

Akhir kiske hai Dhoni? Uttarakhand ke ya Jharkhand ke? Even he looks pensive.

Dekhen kaise faisla hota hai.

That’s a civilized way to settle the dispute. Khicho! Jor laga ke haishaa!

Politicians seem less interested in Dhoni’s brand than in Dhoni’s bod. Dekho kaise pakad rakha hai.

Dono ke thobde dekhiye, kaise dekh rahe hai Dhoni ko. Buri nazar wale.

How can he still be smiling with two grown men doing Kheechatani and Rassakashi with him?

Sach me Captain Cool hain.

Bandaro ki ladayi, billi ki kamai. Dhoni ka koi hissa sahi salamat bach bhi gaya, to niche billi bathi hai. Patiently awaiting it’s turn.

Hope you have followed the captions at the bottom of the pics.

Suniye Tabahi ki hunkaar!

Tsunami ki ‘dahaad’! At least dahaad is in colons, Tsunami sach me dahad nahi karti.

Tabahi to hunkaar le ke hi aati hai na?

Dhoni soch rahe honge, “Kahan Tiger bachane nikla tha, kahan is &%@# channel pe aa tapka.”

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Hey, maybe the Dhoni thing is a one off. Maybe they show relevant info about other cricketers.

Let’s see.

Shane Warne, how does he look and stay young?

I sense some health and conditioning info is forthcoming.

Or some cleavage.

Come to think of it, that would keep a guy young.

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Feel your fleeting sanity fleeing. Mine has already fluttered out the window and floated away. We don’t have a 24 hour basketball channel, yet stuff like this gets aired.

For those who took umbrage at me not recognizing their idols, do you know who is the Indian Basketball team captain? Vishesh Bhriguvanshi and Prashanti Singh are the captains of Indian Men’s and Women’s team respectively. Did you know that an Indian, Geethu Anna Jose has been invited for tryouts by the WNBA?

Well, now you know. Don’t hold my feigned ignorance against me. Panga lena hi hai to TV channel waalo se lo. Naam lena jaroori hai? Need I state the obvious?

Sachhi? What insightful reasoning! Incisive and astute! Wah Wah!