24 News Channel: "Malinga Ne Diya Lanka Ko Angootha/So very high"

Briefly, this is the scenario: Malinga has some nagging injuries and to prolong his career he has chosen to play short forms of cricket like T-20 and to skip some national callings of longer matches. Or something like that. Anyway, here’s the story from the dark and twisted perspective of 24 News Channel.

Now in all probability, Malinga was courteous and diplomatic in communicating his inability to be available for his country for sometime. If you haven’t read any of the following, you may be expecting 24 Channel to communicate similar news:24 News Channel: “Dhoni sparks Interstate war/We are high on drugs”IndiaTV Cricket: “Pakistan ke napak intentions/We’re really high”

The first pic lets you in on what you are in for:

Le Thenga!

Kaun bola be? Source hai kya? Ya aise hi anonymously kuch be bol rahe ho.

But wait! All this isn’t just conjuncture. This time, they do have a source to back them up! A bean spiller! A whistle blower!

Kaun hai who?

Without further ado, I bring to you..

Kaali Parchaii!

Apparently, no one has more credibility than a dark, nameless, faceless shape.

Here they try to include some motive to support their case on why Malinga is giving angootha.

Sachin ke liye(????)

How would Sachin react?

Malinga se badla le kar ke of course.

Jaha dekh lo inko badla/bagavat hi dikhta hai.

Now they try some mathematics to prove their case, and end up bestowing a nickname on Malinga.

Vibhishan, Lanka ka lootera!

Anyone has the number of Malinga’s lawyers? Slam dunk libel case here.

Lawyer bhaiya, aap padh rahe ho to yeh lo, more evidence.

Yeh log apne hi gale me faasi ka faanda laga ke rassi kaste hai.

Never seen such a imploring gaze saying ‘Maine kya kiya?’

Bechara, har frame me lag raha hai ki kisi bhi paal aasu tapak sakte hai.

At this point, the face of a Sri Lankan representative appears and does the following clockwise:

Frame 1- stretches and skews both up/down and left/right. See normal face in next frame, compare it to this motu face.Frame 2- bounces around the screen.Frames 3 and 4- Face on L and R zooms in and out alternately.

The effect produced being roughly the same as two people vigorously waving signboards with his face on it three inches away from your face.

Isse kya accomplish hoga, yeh mujhse please mat puchiye.

Jawab inke mastisk ke dark recesses me hai. Jaha se is type ke illustrations aate hai:

Those guys at 24 have some serious rassakashi Photoshop fetish. Pichli baar Dhoni ko beech me daala tha.

Looking at this tells me why Malinga is giving Thenga to Lanka.

Jaan lena chahte hai bechare ki.

The way the rope is tied, it isn’t going to swivel around Malinga’s body allowing for either side to pull him. Malinga isn’t a slippery fish. He’s a human being wearing clothes. The effect of pulling the rope from both ends will be to squeeze his body till his entrails pop out.

Kheecho!

(To my everlasting regret. I couldn’t get a proper pic here, signal was disrupted. I’m sure Malinga is at the center, what I want to know is who are the guys doing rassakashi? Can some Cricket fans enlighten me?)

But be careful. Before ending, they show a Dil Thamne Waali pic. (Even I’m picking up on their lingo. Bhagvaan bachaye)

At this point they zoom in on his soulless eyes gazing into you.

Meri to neend ud gayi yeh dekh ke, and not in a good way.

Neeche kuch comment karne se pehle in naino ko mat dekhna. Fingers type nahi