"I was embarrassed of what I was doing" - Dax Harwood opens up about suffering with mental illness in WWE

FTR's Dax Harwood isn't afraid to be open with his feelings if there's a chance of helping others like him.

The AEW star was the latest guest on The Sessions with Renee Paquette, where he discussed a variety of subjects. During the podcast, Harwood revealed his issues with bulimia and body dysmorphia following high school to Renee Paquette, explaining that the entire situation got out of control:

"It was very scary when I realized, like, I can’t go a day without doing this," Harwood revealed. "The body dysmorphia, like how I viewed myself and how embarrassed I was of myself, and then I was embarrassed of what I was doing, you know, and then it would just become this cycle thing because I was thinking, ‘Okay, well, if I can get to this weight, I’ll stop and then not be embarrassed about anything."

Harwood went on to reveal how his issues were wrecking both his body and mind:

"I would lose the weight, but the body dysmorphia would never go away because one, you’ve got it stuck in your head. But when you’re doing that, you’re not getting any nutrients in your body. So as hard as I was working out, I was never building any muscle mass. So I got what’s called skinny fat. My body would get, in my opinion, I would look worse than when I was actually heavy. So more than physically, it just wrecked me mentally."

Dax Harwood's wife's miscarriage greatly affected his mental health

Dax Harwood's wife Maria suffered a heartbreaking miscarriage during his time with WWE. The tragedy affected the couple greatly and led Harwood to struggle with mental health issues for years until he got help from a therapist.

Speaking to Renee about the day it happened, Dax Hardwood said:

"Maria had a miscarriage. She and I still lived in Orlando and we were going to the mall. She was like, 'I don’t feel right, but let’s just go to the mall.' She kept telling me how she didn’t feel right," Dax Harwood shared. "I said, 'Let’s go to the hospital or go to the doctor or whatever it was, and let’s get you checked out so you’re not worried about it, and then we’ll go on about our day.' So we went there, she checked in, she sat down. They said ‘Maria Harwood’, and as soon as she stood up, she lost everything. She ran to the bathroom and I followed her there. She had our little, tiny baby in her hand."

While an event like this is obviously devastating, the former NXT Tag Team Champion felt he had to hide his distress from his wife in order to be her support. When he was alone, however, he began to struggle with it all:

"She was so broken. She was so worried and so upset, and so scared and so embarrassed by all these other emotions she was going through, so I had to be strong for her. I didn’t want her to see me worried or upset because she had so much to worry about. So I hid all that stuff. When I would drive to the Performance Center I would break down almost every day."

Dax Harwood's conversation on The Sessions is an example of someone being truly brave regarding their mental health. If you haven't already done so, you can check out the entire episode to hear more about his story.

Thanks to WrestlingNews.co for the transcription of this podcast.