15 funny ways to make Indian Cricket Team win hearts and matches

The Indian cricket team has been on a losing spree. The BCCI and the common man should try and make the team win rather than wait for the things to happen by themselves. Here are 15 things that the BCCI or the common man could do, to take the Indian team at the top again:

1. Harbhajan Singh should be brought back. Nobody is performing. A little bit of sledging/abusing in the middle might help.

2. Winner of the match should be decided by the toss (might help), the way shown in Parle 20-20 advertisement.

3. Duncan Fletcher should be replaced with Sharad Pawar as the coach. This politician can always hold many posts at a single time and with him being head of ICC and coach of India, India can never lose.

4. Thoda khila pilaa ke – Always helps in case of India. Bribing the umpires won’t be a big problem.

5. Make a new rule so that Dravid gets to bat 11 times and Praveen gets to bowl as many overs he wishes.

6. Make a special reservation for the Indian team where 5 balls in an over have to be bowled underhand by the bowlers. Term the reservation “in the interests of the Indian nation” and “for benefit to the world”.

7. Sunscreen must be applied to all the Indian batsmen when they go out to bat. Their complexion is too important for the brands they endorse. So for the sake of their valuable skin, they return early to pavilion.

8. Blackmail the England and Australian team that if Indians lose another match, all Indians will stop viewing cricket and then doom of cricket is inevitable.

9. Scare English and Aussie players by threatening to ban them from IPL forever.

10. Tell them that Pakistan is not happy with England becoming the number 1 test team. Now the terrorist groups might target England more than India because of it.

11. Nasser Hussain called Indian Players ‘Donkeys’. Tell them donkeys are better than pigs. At least they work hard and don’t ‘suck’ like the English players.

12. A new set-up of people should be there for the Indian team, with the responsibility of uplifting the team’s image in the people’s eyes.

Choreographer: Farah Khan (for Main Hoon Na)Script-writer: Amir Khan and Chetan Bhagat (for 3 idiots - they can make anything look good)Brand Ambassador: Salman Khan (whatever he does is a blockbuster)Super-hero ambassador – Shahrukh Khan & Hrithik Roshan (for RA One and Agneepath respectively)Dummy Super-Hero Ambassador – Abhishek Bacchan (for Drona)Marketing Promotion: Celina Jaitley (whatever she says, others will accept)Viewership promotion: Vidya Balan (for The Dirty Picture)

13. India can win only when it has the following squad:

Virend(R)aTendulk(A)rYuvra(J)Gaut(A)mRai(N)aDhon(I)Virat (K)ohliHarbhaj(A)nZaheer Kha(N)Munaf Pa(T)elAs(H)win

14. Mahendra Singh Dhoni should be investigated for match fixing. If MS Windows and MS Office can be corrupt. So can MS Dhoni.

15. If even none of the above can make India win a match, then Indian spectators should install and play EA Sports Cricket onto their computer systems. There you might see that happening.

Note: The article was written in a light note for general entertainment with no offence to anybody. The Indian Team is one of the best and it remains so, no matter if beaten or not. We salute the hard work put in by the players to win matches in difficult Aussie and English conditions.