Satire: A course on sensitization and behavioral organization for the ECB

The ECB has been facing the wrath of the public

We human-beings are a peculiar species. We love to create problems for ourselves. That’s our second most favourite thing to do, after of course, advising people on how to resolve those problems.

Some problems are insignificant. Others, such as the one with the English and Wales Cricket Board are rather shoddy. It wasn’t always this bad, maybe deranged but never this bad and then the ECB decided to shoot itself in the feet with both barrels. And things just went downhill from there. They limped, they tripped, and they hopped but somehow their condescending spirit has always prevented them from falling flat on their face.

However, things are a bit different now. The ECB has looked completely rudderless in the last one year and their tactics have been muddled and negative. A spate of recent fall-outs with their own players and staff and an inept attitude has meant that the prestigious board is fast losing its touch. Worried by the proceedings, the International Cricket Council, in a groundbreaking move, has decided to start coaching institutes all across England offering courses to ECB officials on sensitization and behavioural organization.

In a recent interview with a sports channel, Mr. D.J. Moores, one of the proponents of the idea, said -“The officials at the ECB need a breath of fresh air. After a relentless series of unkind remarks and trashing of their own people, they need some formal training before they seize the sword and decapitate their next worthy scapegoat. As of now, they are a far shadow of good governance and we are determined to change that. It is our primary motive to restore the sanctity of one of the most competent boards in international cricket and although excellence off the field doesn’t always guarantee excellence on it, it surely helps in achieving the standards that everyone aspires to reach. That is our mantra.”

Echoing his sentiments was Mr. P.K., an expert in the subject of Behavioural Organization- “The chain of command inside the ECB is something that I would like to look into. They seem to be working under the impression that a board’s effectiveness is directly proportional to the number of people it hires. While it works in some cases, it can put you off if the ambience isn’t conducive. At the moment, English cricket is just going round and round in circles stalling its legacy of a progressive work ethic. And deep inside, it’s hurting everyone but with some co-operation from the ECB officials, we should be able to instil some sort of regularity and sensibility in their daily chores.”

One of the staff members recently sacked by the ECB, on condition of anonymity, said that the camaraderie between the players and the support staff has reached to a point where they have become increasingly reliant on coaches. Every time, the team loses a match, all heads turn towards that one man sitting in the balcony and he is held responsible for everything.

With the frustration building with each passing statement, we asked him if he wanted to continue with the interview. He said- “The support-staff is here to help you stay fit for every match, the coach can point out your flaws and help you prevail over those shortcomings but it isn’t our job to dig the team out of trouble” and stormed out of the room.

With tensions mounting and heads getting rolled, the situation in English cricket seems to be spinning out of control. During such times of crisis, ICC’s move to start training programs is indeed a welcome change and should help the ECB nip the issue in the bud before it goes out of hand and assumes demonic proportions.

Disclaimer – This work is purely fictional and not meant to hurt anyone.