Cricket: The obligatory Ashes review post (ish)

So the Ashes is all done and, naturally, people will expect a review post from me. Well, you can bugger off. I considered doing one, but if I did the following things might happen:

• I would have to say nice things about Shane Watson

• I might have to say more good things about Steve Smith (I have limits)

• I might find have to give Captain Lego Hair some credit

• I could find myself defending Barbie Broad

• I would betray my #rustlust for Chris Rogers

• I would find England fans agreeing with me about Nate Lyon’s potential (an event that could cause dizziness, recipients are recommended to avoided operating heavy machinery)

• Shane Warne could start making sense

• Bare chested photos of Ryan Harris may appear (there’s not too many other positives in this side, is there?)

• I would require large amounts of alcohol

• I could get accusations of being a sore loser no matter how much thought I put into the post, because apparently all Australians think as one person.

• I might feel the need to pee all over a cricket pitch

So, I’m not doing it.

This is my Ashes review … lalalalala … Ashes? What ashes?

I hope you enjoyed it.

P.S. A. Nother Mitchell has been sent back to Australia early after a poster of Kevin Pietersen was found under his hotel room mattress. There were discussions about doing the same to Twatto after a poster of Tinky Winky was found under his mattress, but then Davo explained that he had told Twatto it was a picture of the God of cricket and now Twatto insists on praying to it every night.

Well, he needs all the help he can get, doesn’t he? (it’s so nice not to have to be nice about him).