Flash of the Blade: High 'Spirits'

It is the last ball before tea. You are on 169. Your partner hits the ball towards the backward square leg fence, where the fielder stops the ball with his hand, leg, head, shoulder, chest, etc. He throws the ball back to the keeper, who has by then decided it was four. You walk across the pitch before the ball has gone dead, because you want to get at that delicious fruit tart in the pavilion, before your partner does. Suddenly, the keeper wakes up, and dislodges the bails at your end and appeals. You shout “Hey, I was just walking off for tea!! I don’t even know you can make someone out this way!!”. But the umpire declares you out, and off you go, trudging to the pavilion slowly. Gone is your wicket, so is the fruit tart. But in a sudden turn of events, you are asked to come out to bat after tea, because the opponent captain withdrew his appeal.

‘C’mon Belly, I ll get you another fruit tart.. As for the 200, your next match is also against us..!’

Let’s move on to another situation:

You are batting on 23 at the Rose Bowl, when you get a ripper from a West Indian fast bowler. You nick the ball to the keeper. The edge was heard at Lords. But the umpire misses it inexplicably. You stay at the crease and go on to score a century and eventually win the game for your side. At the press conference, you say “Oh yeah, I nicked it. Thankfully the umpire thought it was Keiswetter at the other end, scratching his bat.”

Rings a ‘Bell’ ??

‘Spirit’ of the game is a tricky term. What’s right now, might turn out to be wrong later. After all, ICC does not have spirit of the game in its Rulebook. But relax, this test is just for you, to enlighten you on what’s right and what’s wrong!!

Below are a few ‘fictional’ scenarios. Take a deep breath, imagine yourself in the situation, and be true to your heart when you answer! To help you, the stakes for each situation are also listed!!

1. You are on strike, with the no.11 of your team at the other end. You are on 97 and it has been a while since you reached triple figures. The bowler bowls one down the leg-side, on your pads. The ball hits something, and runs down to the fine leg boundary for 4. The umpire signals leg-byes.

At Stake: A century. Something that you have not reached for quite sometime now. You may imagine that you are stranded on 99 international centuries for over a year now and there are no Bangladesh tours in the near future. Your team’s no.11 is Chris Martin.

A. You argue with the umpire, asking him how could he possibly miss the unmistakeable sound of wood on leather. You get Munaf and Bhajji to help you out with all their experience. You end up making the umpire go around the ground 3 times, shouting ‘I am a blind idiot’ at the top of his voice. (“You will know how it hurts if you have been stuck on 99 centuries for quite sometime now :-@ ”)

B. You politely ask the umpire to go for an eye check up and offer to get an appointment with your own eye doctor.

C. You silently accept it as your destiny and hope that the no.11 batsman can hold on till you get to that elusive century. You promise him the night’s beer if he does.

2. You are searching for a victory in South Africa, on the final day of a Test match. Only Jacques Kallis stands between you and a victory. Against the run of play, your team’s lead spinner gets one to turn away from the bat and take an edge. You drop a dolly at first slip. But you have borrowed luck from MSD and so, the bowler repeats the delivery, but this time, the edge dies on you. You take it very close to the ground and go up instinctively in an appeal. Only then you realize, you haven’t taken it cleanly. Kallis, like he always does, asks you if you had taken it cleanly. You say:

At Stake: THE wicket. The man who stands between you and a victory. Remember, You have been whitewashed in both your previous tours on foreign soil.

A. Of course yes! Then what else did you think I appealed for? Don’t doubt my integrity!! Wait, I forgot the next line… hey mate, what else does Punter say??

B. Am not sure, but I feel I did not take it cleanly… No wait, yeah I did take it… Now, did I..?

C. Your day Jack!! Mark your guard again.

Jacques Kallis. He is happy to take the fielder’s word for close catches.

3. The opponent’s best ODI batsman hits a ball to the extra cover fielder and sets off for a single. The extra cover fielder swoops on the ball and fires in a throw at the non-striker’s end. The ball misses the stumps but not the batsman, and hits him squarely on his knee. He is wincing in pain. He requests you, as captain, to allow him a runner. You say:

At Stake: The opponent’s best batsman. Someone like a Mike Hussey for Australia or AB Devilliers for South Africa. Or Sehwag/Gambhir/Sachin/MSD/Kohli/Raina for India. (Because Indians have only 2 formats. They don’t like black and WHITE cricket)

A. You have any idea about the ICC rules? You are not supposed to have a runner even if your limbs drop off while batting!! Your mistake! Who asked you to hit the ball with your knee.. oh the reverse? whatever…

B. Hmm…. Er…. Actually…. Well…

C. Oh yeah you can!! It is unfortunate…!! But I hope you score 20 30 lesser because of this… ;-)

4. Your team’s Sreesanth-esque bowler has just finished an over of absolute destruction from a Gayle-esque batsman in the opposition. At the change of overs, you recall how many noses were broken in that over, and you realize only 5 were. The bowler bowled one ball less, and nobody seems to have realized it. The over after all needed 5 ball changes. What do you do?

At Stake: A possible 6 runs lesser. 13 (NB+6 and 6) if the Sreesanth-esque bowler is really Sreesanth-esque.

A. You thank your stars for the lease of life offered to you, and rush up the next bowler to start the next over.

B. You call your bowler back and silently ask him, ‘Ek aur karega?’

C. You go tell the umpires and then to the batsman ‘Haan, karega!’

5. The match is out of your hands. The opponent needs just 1 in 2 overs. The batsman on strike needs 1 run to complete a classy hundred. The ball is in your hands. Where do you bowl?

At Stake: If you manage to stop him from getting a hundred, his cricket board might help you monetarily. The hype surrounding that century benefits them monetarily.

A. Bowl him a Mohammad Amir. Plant your leg near the good length area to deliver the ball. The no-ball will count and runs off his bat won’t.

B. Bowl him a Piyush Chawla. Why take 1 when 6 is more?

C. Bowl him a Dale Steyn. Uproot his middle stump and do a good-morning yawn celebration.

Steyn’s Yawn Celebration

If your answers were all ‘A’, you are an exorcist, because you drive the ‘spirit’ away. You say, “Winning matters at any cost. After all, this is called ruthlessness, the hallmark of a champion team!!”. You will be well advised to watch videos of Gilchrist, Kallis and Lee. You can be a champion even if you have a heart.

If your answers were all ‘B’, you are caught between a rock and a hard place. You want to be a sport, but don’t want to miss out on a win. The advice for you is, try moving to either ‘A’ or ‘C’ soon, and follow the advice there.

If your answers were all ‘C’, you are a Dravid-esque saint. You might not win many matches, but when you leave, people will be sad you left. Advice: Never change. You are an endangered tribe.

A humble request to all cricketers, at any level. Even if there is no fair-play to play for, play fair please. Cricket is a sport, leave it one…