Humour: 5 alternate career options for David Warner

Sandpaper Gate has sunk David Warner’s cricketing career. He has been banned for a year by Cricket Australia (CA) due to his involvement in the ball tampering scandal. BCCI also banned the Australian from participating in IPL 2018.

He was the brand ambassador for LG electronics, and the multinational company has chosen not to renew their contract with the tainted batsman. It is clear that David Warner’s cricketing career is on hold for a year. Warner has apologized for the act and let’s hope that he emerges a better human being from this entire scandal.

On a slightly lighter note, here are five alternate career options that Warner might want to consider in the interim.

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#1 Indian Reality TV

Having captained Sunrisers Hyderabad to IPL glory, David Warner is well versed with India and the media. He has been an animated character throughout his career, he has also been controversial. And guess who likes animated and controversial characters? Yes, the answer is Indian Television.

Warner’s senior teammate Andrew Symonds was also a part of an Indian television show, the one with cameras all around. People would want to see Warner caged in a glorified jail. Maybe, he can also try his hand, or legs for that matter, at dancing in a show. How about a show that involves performing dangerous stunts? Well, the list goes on and on.

#2 Politician

Politicians are leaders, they are famous, they are not liked by everyone, they are written about a lot, some have a bad temper, some get involved in fights, and some like the spotlight. Looks like we have found a perfect match in David Warner. He ticks off all the boxes to become a politician.

In fact, not so long ago, David Warner had expressed his desire to become a politician. He was one of the key members in the standoff between Australian cricketers and their board regarding the payment dispute. Politicians motivate people to act. And it is clear that Warner is good enough to motivate people to do things. Don't agree with me? Ask young Bancroft.

#3 Wrestler

Look at David Warner and then look at WWE wrestler John Cena. Aren’t they similar? At least from some angles. Anyway, Warner is no body double, he has a strong personality and is ready for a fight on and off the field. Quinton de Kock will vouch for that.

In the ring, Warner can say what he wants. No holds barred sledging. The audience will cheer for him if he does it. Being an athlete, he is well built and certainly has the stamina to pull off those insane stunts. Would you like to see him at WrestleMania?

#4 Stand-up Comedian

It is said that one learns a lot during adversity. And humour can be one’s best friend while overcoming hardships. If David Warner has a funny bone in him, he can be a stand-up comic. He doesn’t have to look elsewhere for content, Australian team’s recent antics should suffice.

His stand-up special can be named Brain Fade. That way he can crack brainless jokes. He can tamper with anyone’s reputation; say things about other people’s wives. His punches will be good. Oops, no offence to Joe Root.

#5 Author

Last but not the least, David Warner can become an author. Warner can spend the year reflecting on his past and write an autobiography. It has 'bestseller' written all over it. Considering Warner’s colourful life, it will be a good read, maybe rated R. He can title it ‘Warne With An R’. Shane Warne can write the foreword.

If not an autobiography, Warner can write fiction. How about ‘The Sandpaper Chronicles?’ Or maybe write a self-help book titled ‘How To Make Enemies And Not Influence People’. He can also introspect and write a philosophical book, ‘David and The Ego Named Goliath’.

Author’s declaration

This is a humorous article and not intended to hurt anyone’s sentiments or feelings. The cricketing world is deeply saddened by Sandpaper Gate and the three cricketers involved are apologetic about it.

This article looks at the lighter side of things, which is the need of the hour considering the punishment has been laid out and the guilty are repenting. It is time to learn lessons and move ahead.