Humour: Emulating Microsoft-Nokia deal, BCCI tries to buy out other leagues

N Srinivasan: Duniya meri mutthi mein (The world’s at my feet, er, in this case,his palms)

Buoyed by the huge sale of Nokia to Microsoft, the BCCI has tried to emulate Microsoft’s plan by flexing its muscle in the global cricketing arena by attempting to buy out a few other cricketing boards around the world.

The most prominent of these was its attempt to buy out the Australian Cricket Board. Giving his opinion on the deal, one cricket journalist who wished not to be named (because nobody associated with cricket can afford to piss off the BCCI except Sportskeeda satire writers) said that the parallels with the Microsoft – Nokia deal were uncanny.

“Think about it!” he said. “The BCCI is just like Microsoft. A big huge towering monolith that came to prominence in the 1980s on the basis of numbers, leading to some of the richest executives in the world. Secretly, everyone hates it and wish to move on to cooler things, but can’t because of monetary reasons and because everyone else in the system uses it.”

“And if you think about it, the ACB is just like Nokia. At one point of time, everyone loved them and they used to be the most powerful board in the world. Slowly, older models faded away and it slowly lost its grip on dominance. So in hindsight, the BCCI – ACB deal makes perfect sense!”

BCCI officials, however, have denied any such rumour. “Something as complicated as mergers and acquisitions involves complex thinking, planning and severe amounts of initiative. None of which we at the BCCI have. Our motto is status quo as long as Sachin Tendulkar still plays,” reasoned an official of the board, making perfect sense.

This was hotly contested by someone else who claims to be in the know. “It makes perfect sense for the BCCI to buy out other boards. After all, they wouldn’t have to contend with those annoying people asking for DRS for the series, trying so hard to compete with the IPL and even having things like Bangladesh-Zimbabwe matches. Like, who watches those, lulz?”

This could have major ramifications in world cricket – meaning India will play every game (even in the Bangladesh-Zimbabwe bilateral series). It means that in order to assert the supremacy of the IPL, all other leagues in the cricketing world could be dissolved. This has been met with major protests, most of which are from Chris Gayle.

There are others who feel that having the BCCI rule world cricket will make no difference. Says a critic, “They’ve been doing that for years anyway, in any case, sigh”.

The West Indies cricket board chief, in the meantime, was unavailable for comment, as he was busy prostrating at the feet of the BCCI chief.

Times are dark indeed.