Satire: I was alive when India last won a Test match abroad

Ryan Harris, Australian No. 9, scores his highest Test score ever, against India: 74

The alarm went off, but I was there, awake, to silence it. It was 4:30 a.m on the morning of 26th December. With at most sincerity and half open eyes, I tottered to switch on the television set.

Harsha Bhogle and K. L. Rahul were in the studio, discussing the prospects of India levelling the series in the second Test match of the four-match series.

The legendary Australian batsman Joe Burns has predicted an Indian win at the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG). “India can make the Boxing Day Test count and it is their best opportunity,” he said.

Bhogle’s work with the mic was as enjoyable as always. Age has done him a lot of good. Indian batting icon Rahul wasn’t bad, either. He was doing well, considering that was his first series as a commentator.

We were a few minutes away from the toss as the two men with microphones were speculating on the team composition. Rahul wanted the ‘non-performing number 7’ to be dropped. He remarked that a rookie all-rounder in the team would be a more profitable option.

“Nothing much to say. India lost the toss and are bowling on Day 1 of the Boxing Day Test. They have one change for this Test match. The injured left arm pacer is out and in comes the right arm fast medium bowler,” summarised Bhogle. Rahul didn’t look too amused with the squad. He wished the team good luck.

The men in whites took their positions on the ground. The blue skies over the MCG hinted a full day’s play. The weather wasn’t very hot.

‘Play’ said umpire Rangana Herath dressed in white and black. The tall fast bowler steamed in and the first ball almost took the bat’s edge.

“India would be the happier side at lunch. They couldn’t have asked for more. 83-4 is a commanding position to be in,” said the excited Rahul. The two men analysed the excellent performance of the Indian pacers in the morning session. “The key was to hit the right areas and pick up early wickets, and it is what India has done very well in this session,” Bhogle exclaimed.

I couldn’t have asked for more. I was optimistic as always. It was still early morning here in the Indian city as I strolled for a morning walk. An Aussie score of fewer than 200 thrilled me. I was longing for the post-lunch session to start.

The lunch seemed like an eternity.

At last, after 40 minutes, the two umpires made their way to the pitch. The first ball was short and was pulled to the square leg boundary.

At the end of the second day’s play, India were 35-4 and trailed Australia’s first innings score by 380 runs. The Aussie tail had wagged, as usual. From 83-4, the home team managed to score 415, with the last four wickets adding 150 runs. The bowlers looked hopeless against the tail-enders.

A card on my television screen showed how India had let the steam off after being in commanding, winning positions. Since 2011, they have failed to cash in on promising situations 29 times. The list continued to page 2. At the end of the day’s play, the two men in the studio were discussing the chances of this match becoming a part of that list in the next three or, even, two days.

It was a nice breezy Sunday evening for those who aren’t used to following the game, not so much for ardent cricket fans like me. An evening where nothing as expected happened can’t be enjoyed. Only thirty-five Indian runs in the post-tea session of the second day, mostly through the third-man area, and that too at the cost of four wickets surely hampers the spirits.

I didn’t care to set the alarm that night. I didn’t want to see an Indian collapse, one more of it on a Monday morning. I couldn’t forget the spirit-crushing straight drive hit by the number 10 Aussie batsman. That to me was the worst sight of the year 2035.