Humour: Why IPL teams are like their sponsors / owners

Sadly the only positive return on investment for Royal Challengers Bangalore owner Vijaya Mallya in the last couple of years has been Chris Gayle. (Getty Images)

You always hear things like ‘strategic fit’ and all that, and usually say that’s just PRspeak while signing up a new brand ambassador.

Well, have a look at the sponsors of the various IPL teams, and you’ll actually be surprised. That’s a lot of strategic fit, yo!

1. Mumbai Indians:

Their owner spent $1 billion on an ugly, ugly house in Mumbai, which he never uses.

He also spent $1 million on a player for his team, who he never uses.

2. Rajasthan Royals:

Unassuming, low budget, slowly going about dominating.

When was the last time you saw an Ultratech Cement ad? Ah, thought as much…

3. Delhi Daredevils:

Supposedly one of the favourites before the IPL started. And we all know where they ended. Much like the stock price of their sponsors, the Muthoot Group…

4. Royal Challengers Bangalore:

The leadership of both the team and company: Loud, flamboyant and obnoxious.

Prefer talking about the good things (United Breweries, Chris Gayle) and would love to forget about the things causing misery (Kingfisher Airlines, RP Singh)

5. Chennai Super Kings:

The only pun we could come up with here was that they have perpetually cemented their place in the finals. See what I did there?

6. Kolkata Knight Riders:

Desperately making a lot of noise trying to tell people that they are relevant again. Actually, it’s not so much about the team but about the principal sponsor Nokia and the owner Shah Rukh Khan. In a marketplace where its only achievement is staying ahead of Blackberry – Nokia is trying to be cool and young. And the less said about Shah Rukh Khan and his delusions that he’s 20 again, the better. I’d like to troll KKR a little more, but you shouldn’t kick a team when it is down and out. Gotta give them a break.

7. Sunrisers Hyderabad:

MakeMyTrip, LiveIn Jeans, Red FM, Sheltrex. It’s like SRH’s philosophy of giving local players a chance spills over into its sponsorship arrangements as well – largely local.

8. Kings XI Punjab

(We have no joke for Punjab. But then, this is what you get when you go to the principal sponsor’s site, so we don’t even have to try)

9. Pune Warriors XI

And finally – just like their (ex) sponsors Sahara – nobody has any idea what Pune Warriors XI actually does!

And what of the IPL itself? Well, they have a relatively harmless sponsor now in Pepsi, but if they’d stuck with the previous sponsor – DLF, it would have been perfect. Shady deals, lots of controversy, dark connections to politicians and Bollywood… Ooh!