India in England, 2011 – Test Series Review: The Wall Stands Tall, But India Crumble

After the Ashes triumph and India’s World Cup win, this clash between England and India was made out to be the series to see – and be seen at. A contest between the #1 ranked Test team and the current in-form team in the world. Would someone please tell the contest to hurry up and get its backside to Britannia? We’re still waiting…

Leading up to the series, it was all about Sachin Tendulkar and him getting his 100th ton during probably his last series in England. Not only did he not get his 100th international century, but he also only scored 273 runs in eight innings at an average of 34.12, while his team-mate Rahul Dravid marched on and just quietly made 461 runs at an average of 76.83, including three centuries.

Ah, Rahul Dravid. A bit like the least favourite child in the family. Just as loved, just as talented, but somewhat always overlooked in favour of his masterful brother. He has been an absolute inspiration and an honour to watch in this series, going about his business in his usual humble gentleman-like manner. Had it not been for Dravid, who knows how the already disastrous series would’ve panned out?

Rahul Dravid, Fresh Off The Boat.

Batsmen and bowlers alike will always have their dry spells, that’s in the nature of the game, but that an entire batting line-up (bar Dravid) full of world-class players – and Suresh Raina – hits a dry-spell doesn’t seem too likely. It looked much more like a capitulation, a refusal to work, as if they had all gone on strike and just forgotten to tell Rahul Dravid that runs are not to be scored, whatever the circumstances.

When your batsmen aren’t quite firing, as a captain you turn to your bowlers, don’t you? But what are you supposed to do when your pace bowlers don’t have any pace, your swing bowlers can’t get the ball to swing, and your spinners either leak so many runs they’re taken out of the attack, or produce what felt like four no-balls per over bowled? How do you even justify bowling no-balls as a spinner? Turns out Amit Mishra was called up as a top-order batsman anyway, scoring 153 runs in only four innings at an average of 38.25 (next best after Dravid), so we may forgive him.

India’s Man of the Series Rahul Dravid was joint by England’s Man of the Series Stuart Broad. Stuart Broad who should never have been included in the squad for the Sri Lanka, inexplicably found himself called up for the India series as well – much to the dismay of anyone who knows a thing or two about cricket and isn’t blinded by his looks – and was bound to fail. Instead of failing he took wicket after wicket (25 wickets for 346 runs at an average 13.84 with an economy rate of 2.28) and provided England with more than valuable lower-order runs (182 of them in only four innings at an average of 60.66), and was deservedly named Man of the Series by Duncan Fletcher.

Stuart Broad: finally coming of age.

While I maintain that this series is one big conspiracy by the Broad Clan, and still can’t quite believe what happened to in this series and that I had to type the words “triple-wicket maiden” when referring to him, I’d recommend him to be included in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest time it took for a penny to drop. Whatever David Saker did to finally make Broad understand what he has to do to become the best bowler he can possibly be, it obviously worked. And it worked beautifully. So beautifully actually, that if he continues like this he will become the best bowler in the world as well. (And you know what that means coming from me…)

Nothing in this series turned out quite the way we expected it to. Not too few people expected England to win this series, myself included, but like this? Not just at certain times but actually for the entire duration of the series, England made India look like amateurs, like some guys that won a competition where they got to play five days of cricket against England. And not even that is particularly accurate, because competition winners would’ve shown more energy and enthusiasm in their little pinky toes than the majority of Team India displayed during the series.

Yes, there were bits and pieces from India that were great to watch, for example Ishant Sharma’s very good spell on Day 4 at Lord’s, Praveen Kumar digging in deep and working really hard, Tendulkar’s and Mishra’s partnership on Day 5 at The Oval, and of course there was that man, Rahul Dravid. But beyond that? Only lacklustre bowling, lacklustre fielding, Akmal-esque keeping and more than lacklustre batting spring to mind.

Sachin Tendulkar’s series was typical of a man whose glass was not clinked.

Where was that line-up of batsmen when they were needed? When Gambhir got injured and couldn’t bat properly, where was whomever putting his hand up and sparing Rahul Dravid, the only person who gave anything for India in this series, the pain of having to open the batting again, after England had enforced the follow-on? I don’t really care that Sachin only bats and functions at #4, and if he himself didn’t manage to stand up and volunteer to open the batting, Dhoni and Fletcher should’ve made him do it. But how do you make Sachin do anything? He is an untouchable figure in this team, and in times of crisis you clearly can’t afford any special treatment for any of your players, you just can’t.

What you can afford even less is looking and playing like you just can’t be bothered. What kind of a message does standing around with your hands in your pockets, laughing at your team’s failure, send to the millions and millions of devout followers at home and all over the globe?

Forget wrong decisions by on-field and off-field umpires, forget the DRS charade, forget Dhoni allowing Bell to come back (which in my eyes was a mistake anyway, as I still don’t see why India should pay for an English player’s stupidity, spirit of cricket or not), forget Zaheer’s injury, forget minor or major boo-boos for the rest of the team – none of this cost India this series. They themselves, their abysmal attitude, bored body language, their lack of unity and commitment to the cause, cost them the series. (Gambhir and his concussion are clearly exempt from this, unlucky sod. I’m still amazed he even got up, let alone tried to bat, given the force with which he banged his head.)

Dhoni’s World Cup heroics seemed like distant memories.

When Dhoni was interviewed at the end of Day 5 of the final Test, he said that the most important thing was that his team tried their best. While I understand that there was not much else for him to say in a situation like this, I can’t help but wonder how he can say something like that out loud and with a straight face. If that was them trying, let alone them trying their best, what is going to happen if they don’t try? Bowled out twice on Day 1? It leaves me with the question over whether India were being for real here, or whether they all just put their feet up for reasons unknown to the rest of us.

Their performance overall was so shocking that not only do we end up talking about them so much more than about the currently best team in the world, no, it also raises one very legitimate question: are England really that good? Or are India just so woeful they make England look like a much better team than we knew they were anyway, like a team from another planet even? When the pitch was flat and India didn’t bat like they’ve never held one of those stick things before in their lives, Mishra and Tendulkar put 144 runs on the board, so the question over what could’ve been possible for India and for this series if they had just bothered a bit more needs to be asked.

What remains is that bittersweet feeling of joy over a 4-0 whitewash and the Number 1 spot – which came with a spacey mace – paired up with disappointment over India’s no-show and absolute bewilderment over the way in which they’ve conducted themselves throughout the series. We’ve been treated to some exceptional cricket, we were able to witness three double-centuries and almost a triple-century as well, 10 100s and 20 50s, absolutely stunning bowling from the gentlemen Anderson, Bresnan, Broad and Tremlett, a hat-trick that never was, a run-out that should’ve been, and a bowler resembling that crybaby Stuart Broad delivering what he’s been destined to deliver all his life. We’ve seen a wonderful unit of not just cricketers, but friends harvesting what had been sown more than two years ago.

England celebrating with a ceremonial trophy from the basement of Anne Summers.

But we’ve also seen some of the most dreadful cricket in recent times, and unfortunately mostly from India. Even if you didn’t buy into all that hype building up to this series, you can’t help feel disappointed and let down by this series. While I (like all England supporters) take great pride in the team’s performance, and appreciate being given the opportunity to witness a 4-0 win and to see them being crowned #1 Test Team, I would’ve wished for a more even contest. Or any contest for that matter, because there was nothing.

No fight, no grit, no nothing. Apart from Rahul Dravid. Take a bow, legend.

Oh, and Eoin Morgan? Clearly not a Test cricketer.

Written by @lemayol, a cricket cynic with a worrying weakness for both ginger left-handers and wacky wicketkeepers.