Interview with S Sreesanth: "Darkest days of my life are over"

S Sreesanth turning out for India in 2011, before his ban

S Sreesanth was as mercurial with the ball as he was with his on-field antics. An enfant terrible of Indian cricket, he was instrumental in guiding India to some spectacular victories – most notably the Johannesburg Test against South Africa in 2006 – but his career was marred by a string of dry spells and a spate of controversies.

His shenanigans and idiosyncrasies often overshadowed the lethal outswingers he bowled with rasping relish.

But his cricketing career and life in general, fell apart when he was accused of spot-fixing during the IPL 2013 and was subsequently barred by the BCCI from playing all forms of competitive cricket. But last week, after almost 2 years, the Delhi court has exonerated him from all the charges that were leveled against him.

In an exclusive interview, he talks about the darkest period of his life, how he has transformed into a more mature person, the conspiracy behind implicating him in spot-fixing, and his dream of representing India again at an international level.

Here are the excerpts:

Q. The Delhi High Court has exonerated you from the charges of spot-fixing. What is your first reaction?

I am extremely relieved and glad. At the same time it is an emotionally overwhelming moment for me. I had an unswerving faith in the judiciary that they would make a fair investigation and all the allegations of wrongdoings against me would be proven wrong.

There is nothing more disgraceful for any sportsperson than to be accused of murky stuff like match-fixing or spot-fixing. I have always played the game with passion and have tried to put my best foot forward and now I stand vindicated.

??Q. How tough was the period when allegations of spot-fixing were leveled against you and you were subsequently banned by the BCCI?

I don’t want to recall and relive those dark memories. I’m just happy that the darkest phase of my life is over. I would like to thank my family and friends who firmly stood by me and believed in my integrity and innocence. My wife didn’t let my morale diminish and helped me to weather the adversity with aplomb. My little girl is the lucky mascot for me.

I would also like to thank media and common people who supported me throughout the turbulent time. I receive a lot of positive messages from hoi polloi on Twitter and it warms the cockles of my heart that they want to see me again on the cricket field representing India.

Q. Did anyone among your team-mates in Indian team contact you during the torrid period and show faith in you?

I had a few discussions with Viru paaji (Virender Sehwag) and VVS Laxman. Both of them told me that if I am innocent, I would come out of this morass smelling of roses. Sachin paaji (Sachin Tendulkar) continued to follow me on Twitter which was a big morale-booster for me.

Kerala Cricket Association and my team-mates from Kerala Ranji team also threw their weight behind me.

Look, international cricketers have an extremely busy and taxing schedule. There are a lot of things on their platter as they need to focus on their fitness and performance. Hence it is sometimes hard for them to reach out to other people. Having been an international cricketer myself, I understand that.

Q. Now that you have been absolved of spot-fixing charges, do you think someone hatched a conspiracy to implicate you? The suspension of Rajasthan Royals and Chennai Super Kings by the BCCI allude to a deeper malaise in the system which made you a scapegoat to shield highly influential but corrupt people.

Honestly, I have no idea about any of the things that you are talking about. Whether someone hatched a conspiracy to implicate me or was I made a scapegoat – these things are beyond my ken. All I would like to say is that I would not wish the kind of mental trauma and humiliation I went through even for my worst enemies.

My father always tells me to be forgiving as it purges you of pent-up negativity. I harbour no bitterness and malice towards anyone. The fact is that the judiciary has wiped out the stain of spot-fixing from my name, and I have moved on.

Q. You were a fiery character both on and off the field wearing emotions on your sleeves. Has the adversity mellowed you down?

One emerges as a better person after going through the wringer. I think I have become more tenacious and judicious. I have developed a sense of patience and equilibrium over this period of time.

My approach towards life is more measured and reflective. I think I am a better sportsman as well as a human being after tiding over the testing times with gusto.

S. Sreesanth comes out of Patiala House Court after the exoneration

Q. How did you stave off gloom and despondency when the chips were down and your life turned topsy-turvy?

I used to watch a lot of motivational films and videos to remain positive. I also turned a voracious reader and read good books to keep myself motivated. But moreover it was the fierce desire to don the Indian colours again and win matches for my country that was the guiding force.

I knew that I am innocent and would come out of this spot-fixing imbroglio with flying colours.

So it was important for me to maintain fitness. I am a member of a small club which I frequent for swimming and training. I maintained a strict fitness regime. I also bowled a lot in the nets so that I don’t lose zip. I made sure that I was never out of practice.

Q. Are you hopeful that you can still make a comeback into the Indian team?

Of course, I am hopeful of representing India again at an international level again. No one can give me back these precious two-and-a-half-years which I spent in the wilderness. But it will be a befitting culmination of all my travails if I get to play for India again.

I know that it wouldn’t be a doddle. There is a lot of competition. But if I perform exceedingly well in domestic circuit and prove my form and fitness, I see no reason why I wouldn’t be selected for the Indian team.

At present, I am eager to play some local and domestic tournaments for my state side. I am chuffed that I would again be playing the sport I so dearly love. Nothing else gives me such immense joy and feeling of elation.