Interview with Mike Haysman: On the Dalai Lama, mullets, staring at belts and more

Insightful and witty, Mike ‘Haze’ Haysman sat down with me to discuss The Dalai Lama, mullets, and staring at belts. Haze is one of cricket’s most respected and well-liked commentators. Read this, and you’ll see why…

You emigrated from Australia to South Africa in your twenties, where do your loyalties lie?

Yes, and now residing in the USA for the last five years, so I guess I am a bit of a nomad!

As I lived my formative years in South Africa for 25 years, I got to know quite a few of the SA cricketers and rugby players. That being the case, it made it even easier to support Australia! No, seriously, I consider myself very lucky to have been able to experience and embrace the exciting lifestyles that both countries offer. I maintain a fond admiration for both.

In terms of the rebel tour, you have mentioned retrospective naivety on your part. If you had to do it again, would you have stayed in Australia?

Yes, that is correct. We were naïve but subsequently my life has evolved in so many rewarding ways through the initial opportunity to travel to South Africa. I will always wonder if I was good enough to wear the ‘baggy green’ for a lengthy period, but I certainly have no regrets.

What is the most “Sweet VVS, did that really just happen?” incident you have witnessed on the field of play?

On the field…I was lucky enough to be on air when Murali snaffled his 800th Test wicket on the final day of his Test career in Galle.

Off the field…when the Dalai Lama confessed, with a blank expression, that he had no idea who Sachin was during an IPL game I worked on at Dharamsala!

Cricket fans often view the job of a cricket commentator as reaching the pinnacle of Mount Sachin. Is it really such a rosy lifestyle?

It really is a very privileged job and those that get a chance to do it are very fortunate. After all, I get paid for being involved in a hobby! It does not get much better than that. Of course there are various challenges – and egos – that present themselves but that is no different from most jobs. If you hear any commentator begrudging his job, smack him around the ears! The simple answer is ‘yes’!

How can the IPL be reconciled with Test cricket? Are we not on the precipice of Gayle-style mercenaries who decide to shun international cricket for T20 bullion?

We certainly are on that track. This runaway train already has a number of wealthy first-class ticket holders and more are in the queue. That, at the moment, is going to come down to personal choice and what is important for each individual, and how they are treated. The finances on offer these days are a serious incentive.

I would introduce a compromise that will satisfy all stakeholders. I would provide an international calendar window for the IPL and reduce the duration of the event to say, five weeks maximum. I am aware that certain contractual implications are already in place, but this would be a common sense approach that increases the brand due to increased quality on show.

One other thing we do need to do is give the five-day game an injection in profile, as only in a couple of countries does it get the respect it deserves as the bedrock of the game.

I am an advocate for day/night cricket wherever possible, and as soon as possible. That will provide an injection of excitement that the game needs. I understand the dew issues – I know you love talking about dew! – in some regions but better venue-planning will placate that concern.

To be the best cricket commentator, what are the most important qualities to have?

First and foremost you must be informative. You must have the ability to form your own opinions and understand that commentary is all about entertainment. You must be able to enhance the broadcast by adding to the picture and stimulating thoughts. Accuracy in calls is of paramount importance.

Your line of work has taken you to some exotic, faraway places. Which is your “Must see before you die” destination?

Anguilla…paradise at its best! One of the world’s best kept secrets. The best beach I have ever seen, and I have seen most of them.

Tell us one thing about yourself that readers are bound not to know about you…

I am the undisputed World Champion Missing Belt Loop Spotter!

It is a unique talent and anyone who knows me realizes I have this special gift. I have changed the lives of many with this extraordinary ability. Around the cricketing globe I take great pleasure in the fact that in the morning whilst preparing for work, many that have been scarred by me are carefully checking their belt loops in the mirror before advancing out the door. The scars run deep! Some never recover from the humiliation. It is imperative that I must spot at least one missing belt loop during each international cricket game. This season in South Africa has been particularly productive for me. Some of my recent prize spottings have been particularly rewarding. Amongst them are Sunil Gavaskar, Ian Chappell, Lance Klusener (last game!), Shaun Pollock and Andy Bichel. I actually feel I am in my best form of my career at the moment. I also expect 2012 to be a big year.

You may have noticed that a more modern style of dress has been introduced to combat my productivity. People are now leaving their shirts out which is a direct attempt to foil my talent. I will not be deterred. They will not beat me.

Your mullet attracted Miss South Africa 1983. To us mere, mulletless mortals, please explain…

You will never understand. It is only a select group of people who will understand the power of the mullet. Many have tried to enhance their existence by trying to grow the mane… only to look ridiculous! To this day I still sadly catch the likes of Pommie Mbangwa, Tom Moody, HD Ackerman, Harsha Bhogle and Tony Greig talking enviously amongst themselves about those with the ability to cultivate long shining locks. The look of jealousy in their eyes is heartbreaking.

My wife is a very intelligent individual.

Follow Mike Haysman on @HazeCricket