IPL 5 - Off the record

The race to make it to the playoffs is turning into a full-fledged war, and the players are starting to feel the heat. Every run and every wicket could change the fortunes of a team and the players are being closely scrutinized in their valiant attempts to lead their teams to victory. The country is now in the grips of the IPL. Here is what has happened off the field in the last one week that has caused ripples in the cricketing fraternity.

1. The Delhi Daredevils have reported threats to their lives and several attempts by fans and players of other teams to put them out of action after the team’s successful run at the top of the table. An investigation carried out by the crime branch of the IPL committee has concluded that the Bangalore players who fell sick with flu had actually intercepted food that was being taken to the Delhi players. While the Bangalore team management has dismissed these reports, the Delhi players have decided to eat food only at Virender Sehwag’s house in Najafgarh, much to the consternation of the team dietitian. Meanwhile the Chief Minister of Delhi Mrs. Shiela Dixit, has commissioned her security guards to protect Morne Morkel whilst he is in India. This after Morne Morkel was kidnapped for a few hours by Rajasthan fans after he snatched a victory from Royals’ jaws, and was released later with a tattoo on his arm that said ‘I am scared of Rahul Dravid.’

2. Michael Clarke has arrived in India to join the ranks of Pune Warriors. Having missed the previous seasons due to international commitments, the Australian batsman is looking forward to play in the popular cricket league this season. “It’s a great opportunity to play with players from around the world and take in the rich Indian culture,” said a cheerful Clarke before leaving for India, “I cannot wait to play the shortest format in Pune colors.” When asked how he has been preparing for the transition from the test format to the IPL, he replied, “It has been tough. From wolfing down spicy chicken biryani four times a day to memorizing names of Bollywood actors, it has certainly been challenging. And I have to work on my hindi so I know when to laugh when Sidhu expresses himself,” he nodded knowingly. When asked how it would be like to play under Ganguly, Clark said, “It will be a learning curve for me to play under a seasoned player like him. The way he glares at the bowler, the way he bolts after taking a wicket, the way he manages to look my age, it’s just incredible.” Back here in India, Ganguly was full of praises for the Aussie as well, “He runs so fast, he could run for the both of us, ” he mused, “In fact, I think I am going to develop an unforeseen leg cramp in the next match and ask him to be my runner.” Clark is likely play his first match against the Deccan Chargers on the 1st of May.

3. With only four international players allowed per playing eleven, many imports have had to contend with warming the benches this season. Some continue to hope playing in a few games, but many others have started exploring other ventures. While Dirk Nannes and Muttiah Muralitharan were recently spotted shooting for toothpaste commercials, Scott Styris and Reoluf Van De Merwe have decided to be a part of the IPL commentary team. They were seen being given coaching sessions by Laxman Sivaramakrishnan on the use of cliches and by Danny Morrison on how to take Red Bull injections before every commentary stint.

4. On-field mics, through which commentators interact with on-field players and get their insights, have kicked up another controversy for the league, with audio tapes of players talking on the field, unaware of themselves being recorded, being leaked to the media. Many utterances were harmless remarks about cricket and Shilpa Shetty’s absence, but some of the more disconcerting recordings have been a cause of embarrassment for many players. Adam Gilchrist was heard telling Shaun Marsh that Ganguly made him wait more for dinner than his wife did, and Sehwag was heard betting Naman Ojha two thousand dollars that Morne Morkel would hit his head on the bus roof again. While the IPL Committee has decided not to investigate these remarks, it has decided to launch an investigation against Shaun Marsh who was heard bribing David Hussey to tell Punjab co-owner Preity Zinta on his behalf that he wanted to take a holiday. The concerned parties have refused to comment.

5. The government of India has reportedly teamed up with the BCCI to control the rising prices and inflation in the country. In a bid to absorb money from the market, Deccan Chargers’ captain Kumar Sangakkara was fined $20,000 for his team’s slow over-rate in their game against Pune Warriors last Friday, and with similar moves the BCCI is planning to help the government in implementing its monetary policies. “The IPL accounts for nearly 12 percent of India’s GDP,” said a government official, “and with their help we can put our country on the road to economic recovery.” However, many observers have expressed their concern that instead of this bizarre collaboration, the government should look to extract the requisite taxes from the IPL earnings in a bid to raise revenue. While the government is still mulling over such an act, BCCI has rubbished these suggestions. “We are a private entity providing entertainment to the country and use no resources from the government. “ said a BCCI spokesperson, “However we ourselves our looking at a policy of taxing IPL players 10 percent of their incomes and players not playing in the IPL 10 percent for not playing in the IPL. This way we can support the government in bailing out our sponsors. In the end the game must win.” The government’s next move is now being closely watched by the nation.

With each game being fought out to score precious points, expect more sparks on and off the field as the warlords of the cricketing battle fight it out for the ultimate glory. Stay tuned for more.