Lalit Modi's Secret IPL-4 Diaries: Exclusive

Lalit Modi wants to strangle the BCCI bigshots.

My friend and I went to the local pub after office yesterday. Sitting on the bar stool was none other than Lalit K. Modi. Alone. The place was half empty, and the people there did not seem to bother about his presence. Everytime someone walked in, Modi would glance at him through the corner of his eyes quietly half-expecting the entrants to probably come and shake hands or take a picture, or at least acknowledge him.

That never happened. However as the night wore on, I noticed a couple of guys who were quite high go up to him and take a picture. Modi smiled. He himself was quite drunk too. Apart from some insane tweets, he has slipped from the public eye.

We were into our 2nd beer when Modi paid and left. My friend’s eyes fell on a book on the counter in front of where Modi was sitting. I walked up to the counter to see what it was. And I found Lalit Modi, in drowning his sorrows, had forgotten to take his personal diary home.

It was nothing short of a jackpot. Here are the excerpts of the pages from 5th April 2011, 3 days before IPL-4 began. The tournament he founded and created and discovered and nurtured and loved and corrupted and glamorized and missed, and now hated.

Gives us an insight into what Mr. LKM does whilst the IPL is on. Lets roll!

Dear Diary,

April 5 : Bored, did nothing all day. Again.

April 6 : IPL starting day after. I was the founder and architect of the IPL. Must keep re-stating that on twitter so that no one forgets me. And hope for some retweets from people who haven’t discovered Ramesh Srivats and his friends yet.

April 7 : Seems like if I tweet on Anna Hazare, I will get some positive mileage. Plus let me also cheekily link my situation to this corruption issue. I am a victim too.

April 8: Hilarious opening ceremony. Good chance to bash it.Let me do a live commentary on twitter for the opening game. Great shot, big wicket etc. Chance to increase my tweet count.

April 9 : Just woke up, seems a lot of people are suggesting I leave the live commentary to cricinfo. Not a pleasant start to another long day.

April 11: Just woke up, terrible headache. I think I had an overdose last night. Oh wait, was it the night before? Shit, I slept for 36 hours and missed a complete day! Reminds me of my college days though.

April 12: Must come back to the public eye by being part of some big corporation.

April 13 : Just applied for a position at Orkut. Edited my resume to add the following: Good track record in copying a model/format of a successful business and selling it as a new concept with success.

April 14 : Bored.

April 15 : Lazy Friday.

April 16 : Kings XI Punjab doing well. Last time they were awful, gave me a lot of chance to console PZ post match back in the hotel.

April 18 : Important meeting with the lawyers tomorrow.

April 19 : Frustrated. The lawyer called up to say he has something urgent to attend and cant travel. A mutual acquaintance tells me he is going for an IPL match at DY Patil. Irony!

April 21 : I miss IPL. Liz Hurley came too #FML.

April 22 : Chris Gayle my man. Gives me hope that one day, even I come back and haunt the folks who deserted me.

April 23 : Miss the after parties

Anybody would miss the IPL to be honest.

April 24 : Happy birthday Sachin. Only you are bigger than me in Indian cricket.

April 26 : Did I just miss another freaking day of my life? Again?

April 27 : Considering getting in touch with IOA. Vacany after Kalmadi no?

April 28 : Old college friend fuckin jealous of my success just pinged me on Blackberry asking for free IPL tickets. Mother….

April 29 : Best part of the IPL games is the strategic timeout. Reflects my contribution to the IPL. Yeah.

April 30 : Must talk about Royal Wedding so that the people don’t think I am still obsessed with IPL. IPL that was founded by me. ME.

May 1 : Pataudi sued BCCI. Yeah got some fodder for the next 20 odd tweets.

May 2 : Something is missing this IPL. I think ads in the middle of overs. Apart from me that is. Don’t forget LKM, don’t forget.

May 3 : Typed Lalit Modi on google. Sad to see no latest news items.

May 4 : Missing L. Sivaramakrishnan. I have been with my share of women but he was the best sucker ever. Like my name uttered through that fake accent.

May 5 : Orissa Premier League is starting. I am exploring the option of asking them for royalty. Or at least a seat on the board.

May 6 : I feel like strangling the ungrateful lawyers and agriculturists of BCCI.

May 8 : Got an offer for writing an autobiography. But the offer was derogatory, very less money. They said something about me needing them more than vice versa. Pigs.

May 9 : Watching the EPL. Good format these football leagues. So much to learn from them. Actually.

May 11 : Fake IPL player messaged me saying he is falling short of jokes on the IPL due to my absence. He was such a pain in South Africa. I had to really keep my ears and eyes open after after-parties.

May 12 : Election results tomorrow. Everyone will be talking about that. No point talking today, no one will listen.

May 13 : The real reason why I am not in India is because of the hot summers down there.

May 14 : Irony that the time when I feel like drinking most is the time where the free beer has vanished. Will call Sid tomorrow.

May 15 : Sanjay Dixit is such a pain. Bloody fugitive. Come back to India and I will give you your just desserts he says. Let me come back and bury in his own state’s little desert.

May 16 : Today I will retweet all the messages of support sent to me.

May 17 : Yesterday plan not working out, today I will retweet any msessage sent to me, even if they are irrelevant and random.

May 18 : Plan worked, people are talking about me again. Also taught me there are some people who would say anything for an RT.

May 19 : I feel like Chetan Bhagat after 3 idiots’ release.

Allright then, I dont have any interest in getting legally tangled like the man himself. So ofcourse, this is fake, a satire if you like. Because you know, if I really found Lalit Modi’s diary, rather than daftly posting it online, I’d call him up and make a deal. He likes deals. :P