Rohit Sharma's Open Letter to GOD

Dear God,

Not so long ago, I was considered by everybody to be the ‘Next Big Thing’ to emerge from the maidans of Mumbai. Everybody associated with cricket including the pundits, former players, legends of the game and fans shared the opinion that I would be an instrumental part of the Indian Cricket Team for at least a decade. Even your namesake, Sachin Tendulkar Sir, on being asked who HE thinks can surpass HIS batting records, took my name. I took these views seriously and imagined myself doing the following things in the coming years:

1. Act in advertisements and endorse everything possible. Be it pens & school bags (though I haven’t used them much), pepsi-colas, luxury cars, (even imagined being gifted a car by a Formula 1 legend of my generation), toothpastes, ceiling fans and of course alcohol (after all, it is my forte).

2. Act in movies (the ads will help me refine my acting skills), do item numbers with all the beautiful actresses and become a Superstar in the truest sense.

3. Surpass Dhoni in the Forbes List of Richest Sportspersons. No wait; replace Lebron James as the richest sportsperson in the world.

4. Own a sea-facing mansion with a fancy name so that it becomes a landmark and a must-visit spot for tourists coming for ‘Mumbai Darshan’.

5. Watch the Wimbledon every year sitting in the Royal Box and be acknowledged by everybody sitting in the crowd.

6. Fly to London to unveil my wax statue at Madame Tussauds.

7. Go to various book launches, all of them featuring books on my life’s success. I had even imagined the title of one of them, ‘From Borivali to Bandra’.

8. Inaugurate the ‘Rohit Sharma Stand’ at the Wankhede Stadium right beside the ‘Sachin Tendulkar Stand’.

9. Receive awards like the Padma Shree, Padma Bhushan, Padma Vibhushan and Bharat Ratna by 2020. After all, the decade 2010-2020 was supposed to belong to me.

10. Finally, become the President of India or at least a Member of Parliament in the Rajya Sabha.

But, all these plans have gone terribly wrong. Today, MSD has lost his faith in me (I could never be as close to him as a Raina or a Jadeja), the ex-cricketers are calling for my head (some of them were as bad if not worse), Virat Kohli is already being groomed for captaincy (why this ‘Kohli’veri Di) and Manoj Tiwari does not even talk to me. Fans call me lazy; some of them even call me obese.

I was wondering when things started going wrong once again. After the disastrous World Cup 2011 (Team India winning without me in the team was painful), things were getting better. Two series against West Indies ensured that I score some runs. India had a disastrous tour of England. I still remember enjoying watch Raina struggle against short pitch bowling. In fact, till Sydney test in January 2012, things looked good. India continued their poor run in tests; people were raising questions about Kohli’s temperament in Test Cricket and to add the cherry to the cake, his middle finger episode.

But since then, it’s been a nightmare. Australian bowlers lost their sheen against the Indian batsmen (especially Kohli) in the 3^rd and 4^th test, and to make matters worse, Sri Lankans arrived and Hobart happened. I sometimes wonder if Sri Lankan bowlers have made a pact with Kohli. Whenever they bowl to me, they bowl with extra pace and bounce (sometimes no/low bounce) and to Kohli, they bowl like we do to a ‘kaccha nimbu’ in galli cricket. Well, I expected the Pakistani bowlers to do a better job but they also ‘helped’ Kohli by bowling to his strengths and that 148 balls 183 knock happened in the Asia Cup. And with Manoj Tiwari scoring the winning runs in the finals of IPL 2012, he has shot to fame as well. Everybody remembers that he scored an ODI Century in his last outing and in my case; even I don’t remember my last century.

Dear God, please help me get out of this mess. People say that I am talented and gifted. And I agree that I have the talent to live a life full of riches, fame, awards and glories. I request you to please help me achieve my true potential and realize all my dreams.

Oops, it’s time for the 3^rd ODI against Sri Lanka to begin and it seems that I have kept my place in the team. I had bunked the practice session today to write this letter to you. Please God, do consider my request.

Yours sincerely,

Rohit Sharma

Date: 28/07/2012

Disclaimer: This article is meant to be a satire. I am a big fan of Rohit Sharma myself and am sure that he will do well and represent India for many years to come. I fully endorse Gautam Gambhir’s views that he is the best young talent in the country today. Let us give him some more time.