Satire : New rules to favor Batsmen

The ICC have today announced new rules that require the fielding side; in the ICC’s own words; “complete, total and upfront” transparency to the batsmen at the crease.

While so far, a polite “Left arm, over the wicket…sir” was enough of an indication for batsman to deal with a delivery, the bowlers will now have to provide a complete “specification” of the upcoming delivery or deliveries. If the delivered ball does not meet the batsman’s acceptance criteria, the ball will be deemed a “No Ball”, the bowler will be reprimanded, 25% of his match fees donated to the charity of the batsman’s choice. If the offense is repeated the bowler will be banned for life.

The specifications a bowler and his captain are now required to share with the umpire and the batsmen include, the direction of the turn, angle and liner deviation, which fingers will be used to release the ball, where the shiny side will be facing, the angle at which the seam will be held, whether the ball will be delivered at normal pace or will a “slower one” be attempted, whether the ball will be a yorker, the height the ball will rise after pitching, what the batsman had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the last 2 weeks, the bowler’s blood pressure, kindergarten graduating grade, hobbies outside cricket, favorite movie, movie actor, favorite dish, and allergies.

Giving new meaning to “Fielding Restrictions”; the ICC also announced that before every innings a fielding captain will have to clearly indicate which fielders will be left-sided divers and which will be right-sided divers. Fielders cannot change their assigned diving sides mid-innings.

The ICC said…this is legal.