Satire: Not the N.Srinivasan press release

DISCLAIMER: The following article is a satire and should be taken in the jest of it. It doesn’t represent any of the parties mentioned in the article.

To whomsoever it may or may not concern

I have been seeing that there are consistent calls for my head in the past few days. I have also seen that I have not been adequately represented in the media. Thus, I, N. Srinivasan, President of the Board for Control of Cricket in India (BCCI), owner-but-not-the-owner of the Chennai Super Kings (CSK), father-in-law-but-not-the-father-in-law of Gurunath Meiyappan. However, today, I speak on behalf of myself and plead my case.

First, I would like to get one thing straight before going on any further. To all those people who believe that I must resign, I must tell them this. I never signed in the first place. However, if you are talking about me signing the forms that indicated my acceptance of the post of the President of the BCCI, I shall assure you right now. I shall indeed re-sign the papers when I am up for election. Please do not worry about that.

Next, on this whole question of the Chennai Super Kings. Now, as you all are aware, I am not the owner of CSK; India Cements is. Now, I am not the owner of India Cements either. It is a publicly listed company and everyone who has a share in the company is an owner. Ah! Yes, you ask if I do have a share in the company, then would that not make me an owner as well? Well, it appears that I have been caught in a bit of a pickle. I mean, I do own a whole lot of shares and I do generally decide what happens but then again, I am not the owner. How, you ask? It is your ignorance, I say. Go look up the Companies Act of 1956. In that, you will clearly find absolutely nothing to support anything I say. However, that will keep you busy for a while and in that time, I promise a better answer.

Now, next, on the question of Mr. Meiyappan. Yes, I am his father-in-law. But thar does not mean that he is my son-in-law. He is only a mere enthusiast, who, by virtue of being married to my daughter, has come to call himself my son-in-law. However, if you go and dig up any of his past school or college records, there will not be even a single piece of documentation that can be used to prove that I was indeed his father-in-law then.

In addition to being an enthusisat, Mr. Meiyappan also claims to be the ‘Team Principle’ of CSK on his twitter page. Now, if we were to go by what is on everyone’s twitter page, I think that there would be more than a few Presidents of America and Poonam Pandeys. However, there will, still, only be one N. Srinivasan. The one who is not on twitter.

There have been calls for my head on counts of possible conflicts of interest. Now, I do not really know where this is coming from. First of all, there is no conflict of interest. I am totally interested in both the BCCI and CSK – which I do not own, of course. CSK plays in the IPL which is a BCCI tournament. Now, I have no problems with that and, in fact, encourage the participation od CSK in the IPL. Thus, I have the interests of both CSK and the BCCI in mind. Hence, there is no conflict whatsoever. Next, I am the MD of India Cements. India Cements owns CSK. CSK plays for the BCCI. I head the BCCI. I think you see the point I am trying to make here.

With those few words, I think that it is time for me to end this press note by thanking my family for supporting me through these tumultuous days, especially Gurunath, who is my son-in-law but whose father-in-law I am not; not until this storm blows over, anyway. I look forward to meeting you all very soon.