Satire: The top 10 ICC Awards bagged by Indian cricketers

In the recently concluded ICC annual awards function, a very aggressive David Richardson, the CEO of ICC blamed the BCCI for not assuring team India’s presence at the venue. He also added that it is a shame on the part of team India for not attending the awards function. But who could explain to Richardson the fact that team India has already been missing the ICC awards function for two years as Mahendra Singh Dhoni has started leading the team India? Maybe Richardson was expecting full attendance from the Indian side. But, as the crowd and the media realized the fact that team India was not attending the awards function, they started leaving the hall which left Kumar Sangakkara in complete dismay, the sources said. The function hall looked like a cinema theater where a movie like Ranbir Kapoor’s Rockstar was running, the sources added. But the whole mistake lies with ICC as they very clearly forgot the things that happened in the 2007 ODI world cup after team India was knocked out in early stages of tournament. So, as an Indian cricket fan, here are a few suggestions from my side, to the ICC about the new categories of awards that should be added in the next ICC annual awards function, if they want team India to attend.

The ICC award for the player warming the highest number of benches:

Who else can this award go to other than our our own Manoj Tiwary? Having been in the Indian ODI squad (prominently Commonwealth Bank tri-series against Australia and Sri Lanka, 2012 Asia cup) for about an year, this man got a chance in the playing XI for not more than five times. Even after scoring his maiden ODI century against West Indies, he was made to sit in the reserve bench for 14 matches in a row.

The ICC award for the bowler to be hit out of the park highest number of times:

And the winner of this award is obviously our turbonator Harbhajan Singh. After having lost his Doosra and catching Basra (Bhajji’s “just good friend”), this man has really been in a very pathetic form. In the recently concluded series against England, the English batsmen really looked confused whether to hit him out of the ground or out of the park. And some sources added that Piyush Chawla, in his hometown, was seen kicking himself for missing the award.

The ICC award for the highest number of pokes:

The word poke here does not mean the random pokes made by a user of Facebook to attract the attention of another user. This award goes to our batting opener Gautam Gambhir (after a tough fight from Rahul Dravid) for poking the balls going outside the off stump, for maximum number of times. Here you may get a doubt, what about Dravid and fishing outside the off stump? But all the great men in the history too made some mistakes, like Sreesanth taking the catch of Misbah in the 2007 T20 world cup finals. Gambhir has been in very poor form for about an year and most of the times he was caught behind the wickets for nicking the balls going outside the off stump and he completely deserves this award.

The ICC award for the bowler who would always be welcomed by the opposition teams:

How could anyone forget the figures of Ashish Nehra in the match between India and South Africa in the 2011 ODI world cup? 8-0-65-0! With South Africa requiring 13 runs in the last over, Nehra was given the ball by his skipper Dhoni. And on strike was Peterson (no, that was not Kevin Peterson, that was Robin Peterson), who was not a very matured cricketer, hit him for 4,6,2,6 in the first four deliveries of the ultimate over.And,that’s it,the winning side of the game was South Africa.This match also added strength to the words that India loses when Sachin scores a century.Congrats Nehra!!

The ICC award for the costliest player in the history of cricket:

No, this award goes to neither Sachin Tendulkar nor Virendra Sehwag. The winner here is Rohit Sharma. In the recent past, has any one seen Rohit Sharma spending more than five minutes at the crease during his batting? This guy disappears from the crease faster than Tushar Kapoor’s movies disappear from the theaters. But still, Rohit receives the same amount of pay from BCCI that is received by Virat Kohli or Suresh Raina.

The ICC award for the consistency of high amount of pace in the bowling:

Wonder how there could be any nominees for this award from Indian cricket team! This award is shared by the Indian fast bowling attack’s (I really dared to put two set of distinct terms “Indian’ and “fast bowling attack” in one sentence, of course, only for the sake of article) deadly duo Munaf Patel and Praveen Kumar for consistently bowling the deliveries with an aggregate speed of 160 kmph in the field.

The ICC award for the player to get injured most number of times:

Given the fact that Yuvraj Singh was out of the team for about an year,Virendra Sehwag tops the list of players to get injured. Starting from India’s tour of England and Australia, he still has an injury even in the ongoing T20 world cup. In the recent past, he was referred to as a “slow fielder” by the skipper MS Dhoni. Sehwag could get injured even if he lifts a bottle of wine or if he bends down to tie his shoe laces. Amidst these injuries, Sehwag could still manage to play in the latest edition of IPL.

The ICC award for the best finisher:

No, the winner for this award is not MS Dhoni or Umar Akmal, it is Rohit Sharma (Yes, Rohit Sharma bagged two ICC awards!) for finishing the careers of cricketers like Manoj Tiwary and Ajinkya Rahane, by getting a chance in the playing XI on most of the occasions despite his poor batting performances, because of his captain Dhoni,who says that Rohit is a star material.

The ICC fair play award:

And this award is bagged by team India as the ICC recognized the team’s hard work in reviving the careers of two legends of cricket. Confused? How can an Indian cricket fan forget the recent test series against Australia in which the team helped Ricky Ponting and Michael Hussey in regaining their forms.

The Special Jury award:

And here is a special jury award for Zaheer Khan for getting out for a duck more number of times in consecutive tests, in the series against Australia. Maybe, Zaheer’s thoughts were to start the bowling attack against the opponents before the pitch has some swing with it.

Now here are the categories of awards which missed the top list:

The award for the player to spend maximum hours in ‘nets’:

The nets here does not mean the ones present at the practice sessions but they mean the mosquito nets and undoubtedly this award goes to the lazy man of the present team India Virendra Sehwag.

The award for the player who works hard to promote the game:

And the game I am referring here is not cricket but tennis. Sachin Tendulkar who opted himself out of the team for the series against Sri Lanka spent his time in enjoying the grand slams of tennis.

The award for the most boring face of cricket:

Can the winner be any one other than Munaf Patel? This man seriously has a body language problem.