Satire: 7 things I learned without watching the first 2 India-South Africa ODIs, and other conspiracy theories

South Africa continue to lull India(and possibly the World) into a false sense of security regarding off-spin in 2019

Image courtesy: BCCI

The South African camp has focused a lot on what they call vision 2019. It's really too bad that it isn't 2019 right now, so that we could have made all those hilarious/cliched 2020 vision jokes, but into all life and cricket games some rain must fall.

As part of their focus on the 2019 World Cup, and beyond, South Africa appointed their young batting sensation, Aiden Markram, as captain. Furthermore, they have pledged to rotate players consistently with a view to forming as deep a talent pool for the 2019 World Cup as possible. However, these are mere smokescreens to disguise their most genius move yet; the GREAT 2019 WORLD CUP CURATOR CONSPIRACY.

Hear me out. This isn't (just) the lemon and ginger tea talking.

India's bowling has set up both of their victories. It wasn't fast bowling, which is surprising given the fact that India's fast bowlers have been excellent for a while now, and the matches are being played in South Africa-the country where AB de Villiers has more revolutions and turns than the average spinner.

It was spinners. Yuvzendra Chahal, and Kuldeep Yadav to be specific.

The leg-spin, china-man combination has taken 13 for 121 across 34.2 overs. South Africa's own off-spinners - JP Duminy and Markram-failed.*

It's obvious that South Africa have found a way to ensure that the pitches for the 2019 World Cup will be conducive to off-spin, and are lulling India into a false sense of security, by preparing pitches conducive to any type of spin but off-spin, and are waiting for the 2019 World Cup squads to be announced, before announcing that former captain, ace off-spinner, and occasional opening batsman, Graeme Smith is making a shock return for the 2019 World Cup.** Obviously.

*I'm going to gloss over the fact that South Africa picked Imran Tahir, a leg-spinner, who took 0 wickets, whilst conceding 81 runs in 15.3 overs, because why let facts get in the way of a crazy conspiracy theory?

** As far as we know, Smith is not in fact planning a return, but if he does decide to strap on the finger strapping for one final tilt at glory and crushing English dreams, you heard it here first!