The Alternative Allan Border Medal 2014

It’s that time of the year again – when fake tans come face to face with dress tape and hair bleach and, at some point, someone awards a medal to a piece of facial hair. Without further ado, here are the awards Dustbin style:

First up is the “I think a pinata threw up on me” award:

The “Sorry folks, I lost my bra” award:

The “Ye gads, when can I stop holding my breath?” award:

The “Yes, I am still married to him, can everyone please stop asking why?” award:

The “I couldn’t decide between a skirt and a dress so I wore both” award:

The “Oops, I spilled a bottle of fake tan all over myself” award:

The “How many lizards went into this dress?” award:

The “Yes, I’m thin but just what IS my obsession with shoulder pads?” award goes, for the second year running, to Jess Bratich:

And, finally, the big one: the annual “I’ve used a whole roll of dress tape” award goes to potentially its youngest ever recipient, Medeline Hay:

Anyone you think should be here but isn’t? Feel free to add below. I’d like to say that I thought Nathan Coulter-Nile girlfriend/wife looked fabulous. I couldn’t find anything to mock and you know how much that hurts.