Humour: Various stages an Indian cricket fan went through in the last few days

This past Sunday, Pakistan did what they do best: Turn up on the biggest of occasions and upset the odds. What never ceases to amaze me is how predictably unpredictable they are. Maybe, therein lies the beauty of Pakistan Cricket. This achievement may not match up to prodigious World Cup victory of 1992 under Imran Khan, it surely is one of their highest moments.

Just to put this blue-sky victory into perspective, they slipped out of the top eight in the ICC rankings three days after 30^th September 2015, the cutoff date for the Champions trophy. From nearly not making it to the mega event to steamrolling all the pre-tournament favourites en route to this glorious achievement, it’s a journey not even the most optimistic of Pakistan fans would have dreamed of. Especially after their morale-sapping loss to India in the first match.

Saying that they were lucky or stating that the opposition had an off-day would be a crime; you just don’t defeat South Africa, Sri Lanka,England and India, because you were lucky. They played the best cricket and deserved to lift the magnificent trophy in Oval.

Indian fans were so confident that the trolling was incessant after the semi-finals, sadly, we had to eat our own words after the Indian Cricket team were sent home with their tails between their legs. Let me tell you there’s nothing tougher for us than swallowing our huge egos . It’s been a mixed last few days for an Indian fan. I’ll try to summarise the various stages that we went through:

14th June (Pakistan defeat England by 8 wickets)

No one is stopping India from winning that Champions trophy now. The only question is: Pakistan kitne run se haarega? Why don’t they just hand the trophy to India now, no way our noisy neighbours are going to defeat us (Yes, it is a football reference). Champions trophy final, here we come.

15th June (India defeat Bangladesh by 9 wickets)

If you can defeat them by 8 wickets, we can go one better. That was a walk in the park. Rohit, you beauty. Pakistan, beware King Kohli is back to his best form and he is going to rip you shreds. Cue: 18th June is Father’s day tweets and Facebook status updates. Mauka mauka hashtags and what not. Chief inaugurator: Virender Sehwag

18th June: *Waking up to the beautiful realisation that India are going to win a record 3rd Champions trophy today*

2:30 pm: We’ve won the toss and that is a sign of things to come. Brilliant decision to bowl first, it’s a batting track and we have The Sultan of Chasing in our team. Hopefully, Pakistan will put up a fight, ”It will be a shame if the final is one sided”. Let the game begin!

3:00pm: *Juvenile jokes about the moniker of a certain Pakistani opener*

4th over: *Feeling pompous* Knew an early wicket was coming, their danger man is not a danger for the mighty Indians. (Bumrah is exceptional, isn’t he?) *No ball* Unacceptable bowling by Bumrah, no-balls at such a big stage are damning indictment of his lack of experience. That’s okay, they need some luck against us. Jaldi hi wicket girega.

10th – 15th over: They have been lucky with all the edges running to the boundary. Even Bangladesh scored 305 here, inko bhi thode marne do (let them score a few as well). Maybe, it’s a good thing after all, we’ll get to see a fair match. *starting to worry a little but too confident to show*

1st wicket: There you go. Shambolic running between the wickets, they’ll go down like a pack of cards now, bohot runs maar liye (They’ve scored enough).

Certain Pakistani opener reaches century: Damn you Bumrah, lucky guy has ended up scoring a century. On the Brighter side, it will be a fantastic chase today.

Zaman stroked it to all parts of the ground

Zaman is caught: What a catch, Jaddu! Isn’t he the best all-rounder and fielder in the world? Lucky to have him in the team. Seems like Zaman ran out of luck.

39th over – 44th over: This is getting tougher now. Our man with the golden arm, Jadhav is here. Just like the previous match, he is going to derail the opposition’s innings. *Momentary joy after Malik’s wicket*

After Azam’s wicket: He (Jadhav) has done it again, he has snapped the man who was threatening us, they will barely crawl over 300.

44th over- 50th over: *Palms on faces of a billion people* Only Bhuvi is the saving grace for us.

Aftermath of the first innings: It’s not that bad, we’ll get to see the Indian batters at their best. This is a batting beauty anyway. Sri Lanka and England have both chased down massive scores here, why can’t the best batting line up in the world do it?

*Checking highest successful chases and related statistics*

Start of the Indian innings: Let’s do this! Our openers are going to bash their bowling.

Rohit’s wicket: That’s okay, it’s a blessing in disguise after all because King Kohli is here.

Kohli drop and wicket: You can’t drop Kohli, he’s going to make you pay with his umpteenth century and another successful chase. *Next ball* Pindrop silence. (Back of the mind: Check for the no ball?) This was not in the script. Gabbar and Yuvi will see us through.

Dhawan’s wicket: At least, we are beating them convincingly in hockey. Look, Dhoni and Yuvi are batting together, Yuvi’s elegance and MSD’s brawn is surely going to help us arrest the control of the match now. It is going to be like old times. Yuvi is timing the ball beautifully here, what a sight.

Yuvi and MSD walk back to the pavilion: *Disbelief of the highest order, questioning the existence of the world* Cue: other options, Sony max- Jurassic Park Star gold- Jolly LLB 2, etc. Whatsapp forward.

Jadhav throws his wicket away: Why is he in the team? Where is Rahane? TV band karo yaar (Switch off the telly already).

Hardik Pandya going berserk: Here we go, Pandya is clobbering them! Payback time. We are back in this as Pandya and Jaddu are going to take us over the line without breaking a sweat. (Just like Kumble and Srinath did). Your time is up Pakistan.

Pandya walks back

Hardik Pandya is run out: *Constructing new expletives to hurl at Jaddu* He just ended a billion hopes. What a knock, Pandya. This is over.

Jadeja edges one to the slip: Isse acha tu run out ho jata. (You should have been run out). Cue: Don’t go back to the dressing room jokes.

End of the match: Pakistan played well.

*Realising that India actually lost but you can’t accept it, so redeeming our hurt ego is important*

“We still have the better head-to-head record in ICC tournaments.”

“Guess who trampled Pakistan in the semifinals of FIH world hockey league.”

“But...we won the World Cup in 2011.”

P.S: We’ll surely win the 2019 World Cup.

Please note that this is only meant to elicit a chuckle. Do not take the views seriously.