5 ways to be like Lionel Messi

And we continue our ‘ways to be like’ series with the best player in the world. Who doesn’t want to be like Lionel Messi? He is the best footballer, has an adorable family and is loved by almost all. He is like a human bunny that everyone finds lovable.

However, he didn’t reach this place without hard work and diligence. Even though it is very difficult to be like the Argentine, we can at least try instead of using his Godly abilities as an excuse to not even give it a shot.

So if you are someone who wants to be like the Barcelona star, here are 5 things that you should do…

Disclaimer: THIS IS A HUMOUR PIECE AND THE INTENTION OF THIS PIECE IS TO ENTERTAIN.

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#1 Don’t pay your taxes

Being Lionel Messi means that you have already been likened to God. And since everything belongs to God, the point of paying taxes is rendered as obsolete. After all, why should you pay taxes when everything is yours?

Instead, the government should be paying you taxes for using your land and resources (remember, you are God). This is the ideology that you should follow if you want to be like the Argentine. Paying taxes is too mainstream a thing to do.

Also, standing in a queue to pay taxes isn’t worth your or your representative’s time. If the tax-collector comes to your door to beg for taxes, that is when you should consider paying taxes because God never lets anyone leave Her/His home empty handed.

#2 Plead ignorance to show innocence

So say that you are someone who works at an office, just like many people in this world. Actually, scratch that. You are someone who works, regardless of where, and have made a huge mistake which could actually see you rot in jail for a while.

The mistake is so apparent that one would claim that you are lying if you say that you are innocent. How do you cover up now?

Simple: you don’t. You plead ignorance, that you didn’t know how to switch on the computer and hence smashed it open, or that you weren’t aware of the fact that acid is dangerous before splashing it on someone’s face.

Whatever your mistake may be, just admit it without using the word ‘innocent’; claim ignorance and try to sell it as innocence.

#3 Lose finals with your country

This is a little tricky if you are not a sportsperson. Okay, let us try a different angle. Suppose you are representing your country in a worldwide programming contest. You have beaten some really good teams and have reached the final of the tournament.

One win and your team—and country—gets labelled as the best bunch of programmers in the world.

Now, however, you decide to try too much and screw everything in the process. First and foremost, you write 1000 lines of codes without once using the semicolon. And this is how you actually should lose—the lamest of reasons.

Get smart and apply something similar to match with your work field. However, I have to admit that this is only possible if you enter some kind of competition. Tough being Lionel Messi, ‘innit’?

#4 Retire prematurely from your national team

Now that you have done the damage with your country, you shouldn’t be determined to try again anymore and win something. No, sir, that is something Lionel Messi doesn’t do. So if you want to be like him, you will quit after you become the reason for the loss.

If you lose because of your team-mate, it is fine. Don’t retire. But if you were the one who forgot to put semicolons (going with the flow of the previous slide), then you should instantly retire.

This is one of the most fundamental aspects if you wish to be like the greatest player of this generation. If you quit, you also become relieved of the criticism you should and would have gotten for messing up in the first place.

Also, once you quit, you can pay more attention to paying taxes. So quitting would be like killing two bird with one stone.

#5 Dress like a clown in official ceremonies

And the icing on the cake would be dressing like a clown in official ceremonies. It is the annual office awards gala. All of your colleagues are wearing suits and tuxedos that ooze class. However, since you are superior to them all, you should choose to dress differently.

If you want to be like Lionel Messi, you need to wear inappropriate clothing. Like, say, a polka-dotted or a crimson-coloured suit. It doesn’t really matter as long as it is ridiculous and completely out-of-place from the environment that you are in.

So these are the 5 ways you should follow—coupled with being the best at what you do—if you want to be like Lionel Messi. Not so easy, but no-one ever said anything in life would be simple to acquire.