A guideline to Neymar: What not to do if Real Madrid signs him

Neymar is without a doubt one of the most well known players in the South America. At the age of only 19 he is already a hero for Brazilians and father to a son.

From the past few months he has been heavily linked with Real Madrid. If Real Madrid do sign him, there are some things he should keep in mind while he is at the White House.

1- Make up your mind what you want to be? A cat or a dog or Drenthe?

2- Never challenge Ronaldo’s hairdo. Accept the fact that even when Ronaldo’s hairstyle is done by Nuno Gomez, it will still better than yours.

3- Make sure your son, Davi Lucca, never bothers Cristiano Junior. Or else, even in your dreams, Ronaldo will be taking all the free kicks and penalties.

4- Think twice before tweeting Daniel Alves; AS and Marca are as hungry for news as Josef Fritzl was for his daughter Real Madrid are for La Decima.

5- Never tell Carvalho ‘while in Santos, I used to occasionally get into starting 11 without training.’

6- Never mention about Ozil’s fish eyes to his face; he likes Brazilian sushi, and you could be on his dinner table the next day.

7- Never talk about National Team duty when Pepe and Carvalho are both around.

8- If you want to confess your sins, don’t go around speeding in Madrid searching for churches. Instead ask Sergio Ramos to take you to San Iker, talking to him will suffice.

9-Never fall on the ground easily; only Di Maria is allowed to do that. Even Pepe has to take permission from di Maria before falling to the ground at crucial times.

10- Cristiano’s responsibility is to achieve the records for number of shots on goal. Di Maria’s is to achieve record for rolls on the ground. Yours is to make sure they achieve their records.

11- Whatever Ribiero said about you is hogwash. What matters now is what Mourinho thinks. He is the King Reagent, The Lord Protector and any similar terms that that small brain of yours can come up with.

This article was written by Karim. Follow Karim on