A Toast to Sports

DONETSK, UKRAINE – JUNE 19: Andriy Shevchenko of Ukraine leaves the field during the UEFA EURO 2012 group D match between England and Ukraine at Donbass Arena on June 19, 2012 in Donetsk, Ukraine.

Football is quite a brutal sport. Tennis, quite the contrary. Cricket, hardly a gentleman’s game. F1, hardly a game. But the result on living room audiences is just the same. People just cannot shut up, but will continue to take jibes at the fans of the opposition side. Sadly, neither party can be red-carded or fined their earnings (in this case, calories) from the match.

Sure, living room audiences can be forgiven if they were simply imitating Mario Balotelli elbowing Ramos, or Gautam Gambhir mouthing off the sledging Steyn. But even these paragons of gentlemanliness pale in comparison to what happens in living rooms and sports bars every week.

Since your shots and the remote go hand in hand, we thought it would only be fair to name your drinks after sports stars. We haven’t figured out what those drinks contain, but we have a fair idea of what those drinks can do to you. Here’s a list:

Roger Federer: The drink that turns boys into men, and men into sobbing little girls.

Michael Schumacher: It’s fine when it’s your first drink, but turns you into a ruthless machine when it’s a chaser. Especially if you’re drinking it after a five-year hiatus.

Rahul Dravid: It takes 5-days to get you high, that too after intense concentration. But it’s the best drink after you are already one-down.

Tiger Woods: You’ll never stay loyal to any one drink after sipping this one.

Fernando Torres: Pretty useless mostly, but highly effective if served in the last minute.

Andy Murray: Never the first-choice drink. Always a chaser.

Usain Bolt: Fastest Shot in the bar. And the fastest double shot too.

Anna Kournikova: You’ll only get what you see…a tall glass of hot White Russian.

Mario Balotelli: Having this will make you do really crazy things, but you’ll pass out long before the game ends.

Andriy Shevchenko: You’ll pay a hell of a lot for this drink, but it simply fails to even show up when you desperately need it.

Sunny Gavaskar, Pele, Borg: Only ordered by your dad, who thinks these are the best drinks ever.

VVS Laxman: Was once a really popular drink, especially in Australia. Now, it’s free.

Steffi Graf: The one drink you’ve desired, ever since you were five.

Xavi: It’s the drink that gets passed around the most. With Iniesta and Pirlo coming close enough.

Dale Steyn: Will go straight for your head.

David Backham: It’s an old one, served with ridiculous toppings, but still has a powerful kick.

Sachin Tendulkar: Gives you a record high that simply refuses to go.