Adventures in groundhopping: It's a knockout

If non-league is an obscure outpost in the football world, league-specific cup knockout competitions are the undiscovered lands where naked tribes-folk throw stones at passing helicopters. (Do helicopters pass? Doesn’t matter.) Acting as the Andaman Islands for the purposes of this cloudy Saturday afternoon is Burscough’s Victoria Park, hosting Merseyside’s high-flying Formby and east Lancashire’s Nelson. In very broad terms, Formby is the buffer country stopping Liverpool from spreading too far north, and Nelson…I think it has something to do with witches.

The science part, then. The North West Counties League rests four layers below League 2, and by and large incorporates teams from the geographic North West of England, although as ever exceptions always sneak in whenever numbers need making up elsewhere (the odd ones out this season being Hanley from deepest darkest Staffordshire and Leek from somewhere guarded by dragons and magic incantations). The League has always been very competitive due to there being no guaranteed promotion, with only one club permitted to go up into the Northern England League if they meet the ground grading regulations. I can tell that all this talk about ground grading regulations and geographic boundaries is making you twitch behind the eyeballs so let me just mention at this point in the paragraph that Formby FC’s nickname is The Squirrels. I know, I know.

Formby FC formed in 1919 and played around various local leagues – Southport, Liverpool and for some unfathomable reason, Cheshire - chalking up numerous cup and league title victories. The club would be one of the founding members of the North West Counties League when non-league was restructured (and not for the first or last time) in the early 1980s, with sporadic moments of silverware glory. Having had their ground downgraded by the suits who know better, Formby signed a groundshare agreement with Burscough, moving the Squirrels away from Merseyside for the first time.

Meanwhile, Nelson (answer to that classic pub quiz question, ‘Which English side were the first to beat Real Madrid in Spain?’) can trace their history back to the 1890s, as the small town was one of many in Lancashire to be brought into the sphere of influence of some of England’s oldest footballing communities, including Blackburn, Burnley, Bolton and other places that don’t even start with the letter ‘B’. Nelson made it as a League side by the 1920s, entering what was then Division Three North, making it to the national Division Two around the same time as their Spanish adventures. Of course the light may have faded since, but like Formby they helped found the North West Counties in 1982, and remain as one of the highest ranked of the small east Lancashire mill towns.

The Challenge Cup is one of many contrived cup competitions which serve two purposes – to ensure the League calendar doesn’t end somewhere in early February, and the generation of much needed money. If that sounded cynical, wait until I cover the County FA cup competitions, where even the man with his dog finds something else to watch that night.

Anyway, to business, and for Formby a seemingly easy demolition of their League comrades. Somewhere in the middle of the Nelson side is a team who can move with fluidity and purpose, only today they’re picked apart rather easily, with the Merseyside team performing with more heads-up confidence. Not that the opening goal was evidence of much training pitch skill, with Marvin Molyneux heading a rebound from the keeper off a misjudged corner. Not long after this, John Edgerton shot over and into the streets beyond the boundary wall.

Whilst Nelson did provide pressure late on, particularly within a more spirited second half, it was much more effort than end result. The Formby defence slowed and separated with time like soup on a steady heat, allowing Nelson to try their luck and often with serious intent. Unfortunately, the day was measured by the speed with which players, particularly in the middle, could switch and shift themselves, and Nelson had the slower, less adaptable players. The standout goal of the afternoon came from the idiosyncratically spelled Kieron Brislen, whose solo effort on 79 minutes veritably whacked the back of the net with more power than any of the spine-shaking chuggerby trains that run alongside the neighbouring West Lancashire line.

For Formby the cup run, such as it is, directs them over the Pennines, because apparently Yorkshire can be in the North West if you squint and look really really hard. A decent and well played game – notwithstanding the referee handing out more cards than the National Union of Miners during the 1980s – with almost nobody around to watch it. I wish both sides well in their endeavours this season and finish off with one more reminder that Formby are nicknamed THE SQUIRRELS.