#5 Zero if you aren't Zorro
This means never ever let down your guard. When watching games live on the telly, cheer aloud when your friends do, time your groans so as to be in sync with theirs, and never ever try anything unique. No one is judging you based on creativity.
You're also going to need to buy merchandise and memorabilia. A lot of it. If you are going to pull this off, you're going to have to spend some money. Look for discounted items online and memorise the logo of your beloved club (which I'm sure you're beginning to hate by now) so that you can look for it in bargain bins.
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The last and most important thing here is to never ever forget the fact that everyone associated with a rival club (clubs you play derby matches against and/or claim to hate because your friends do as well) are the worst people in the world. They are the enemies of humanity itself and the world would be a better place if they just got relegated (dropping down a division). Remember that you cannot appreciate anything anyone who was ever associated with that club does.
For example, If you claim to be an Arsenal fan then Gareth Bale is just a dude who schemed his way into the Real Madrid team. If you spend your days pretending to be a Manchester City aficionado then Eric Cantona was just a cocky Frenchman who played with his collar up.
There we have it. Abide by all these instructions and you should successfully get away with pretending to be interested in all things club football while dying a little bit on the inside every day. You wanted to be a part of the banter didn't you? As the old football adage goes, 'be careful what you wish for.'
