God save the team: Why you shouldn't be supporting England

LONDON, ENGLAND – MAY 16: Roy Hodgson, new manager of the England national football team, poses after being presented with a Hublot King Power Euro 2012 Ukraine watch on May 16, 2012 in London, England.

It’s time once again for international football to take centre stage, something that usually comes as a relief for fans used to following various football leagues. In India, the most popular among those leagues is the English, no doubt. Hence, most of us who religiously follow and cheer for English clubs tend to show a loyalty towards the England national team, too. It is due to a variety of reasons but primarily because they have the players whose rise we have witnessed and whom see play week in, week out. We cringe when the FA decides to strip the captain’s armband from Terry (the Chelsea fans are outraged while the rest are disappointed that he still gets to play) and we are confounded when Roy Hodgson is appointed the manager.

Just like the English. In 2010, when I watched a few World Cup matches at the Goethe Institute in Chennai, one fan had turned up with the England flag painted all over his face for the England-Germany clash. I couldn’t understand why. At club level, maybe, yes, but for a foreign country? I doubt. There are some of us who watch the internationals just for the football. They are a great opportunity to learn about new players and follow them at club level once the tournament is over. But sport always makes for better viewing when we pick a side. Spain, Germany, the Netherlands and France are the most common teams we find ourselves backing.

But England surely takes the cake. They are a team that always find themselves in the news for mostly the wrong reasons. It’s no different this year. It’s just that they have taken it to a new level. If you are an ardent fan of any English club and are planning to cheer England on at the Euros, here are some reasons why you should not.

If you are an Arsenal fan, your only interest would be Theo Walcott and the Ox. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain has shown much promise but barely started for Arsenal. Remember the last time this happened? It was with Theo Walcott himself. And things have not gone as expected. Internationals do not help you guys: the man who carries your team is Dutch and your manager is French.

If you are an Aston Villa fan (I doubt you are), you should be more worried about your club.

If you are a Blackburn Rovers fan, I expect you to eat Chicken Biriyani for dinner and sleep before the kick off. No need to break a sweat. (In the meantime, get a good internet connection to watch the second division next season).

If you are a Chelsea fan, you have the most reasons to back England. But John Terry will lift the trophy regardless of who wins it. Although, you should be incensed that your captain is not the England captain.

If you are an Everton fan, you should be disappointed that your bitter rivals have the most number of players in the squad. Also, Leighton Baines and Phil Jagielka are unlikely to play anyway.

If you are a Liverpool fan, rejoice. You can sing ‘Oh captain, my captain’ and look forward to see how Glen Johnson fares. But more importantly, you should see if Stewart Downing is capable of getting an assist or even scoring a goal, something he did not manage the whole of last season. And what more, you have the talented Jordan Henderson and super sub Andy Carroll in the ranks. But wait. Didn’t you guys ditch Roy Hodgson and tear him apart when The King replaced him. How can your moral conscience allow you to cheer for his team?

If you are a Manchester City fan, let me first welcome you to the football world. You might have heard of Joe Hart, Joleon Lescott and James Milner. But it is your Micah Richards who deserves to be there. He is a great young talent and a potential long term leader for you. Injustice. The Blue Moon tolerates none of that, right?

If you are a Manchester United fan, my condolences. Rio Ferdinand was supposed to be the captain but he does not even find himself in the team because of certain ‘footballing reasons’, though there are doubts that it is mostly because his brother was racially abused by John Terry. That makes complete (non)sense. Michael Carrick has the third most pass completion percentage in the league (after Scholes and Yaya Toure) and cannot ever be considered for selection because of reasons unknown. That makes total (non)sense. It would make total (non)sense if you have decided to back England.

If you are a Newcastle United fan, I assure you that there is nothing of interest for you with respect to England. Forget Euros, good luck to your team at the Europa.

If you are a Tottenham Hotspur fan, you must actually be disappointed that England missed a chance by not relieving you from Harry Redknapp. I mean, can you tolerate him for real?

If you are a fan of any other English club, you have my respects. I have no objections with you supporting England. They do need some fans anyway, although they do not deserve any.