Hallelujah! Suarez appears to be signed and sealed, not yet delivered

News out today suggests that Luis Suarez has already completed a move to Bayern Munich or Real Madrid, which, as regulars to this site can predict, comes as a great relief to me. I want no part of the bitey Uruguayan and would be happy to see him elsewhere.

I know nothing of the site SportsDirectNews, the site carrying the story, but it has all the hallmarks of the usual transfer folderol: lots of adds, a video that starts up on autoplay, and an article of about 200 words that contains an un-named source “close to the deal” who has this to say:

I have been told by a person very close to the player that the deal is done and that it’s not Arsenal. No one ever takes anything for granted in this game until a final announcement is made, but all the indications are he will be en route to Madrid or Munich—the only other serious bidders.

Of course, the only part of that statement that carries an ounce of meaning is the disclaimer: “no one ever takes anything for granted in this game until a final announcement is made.” Everything else is word-salad with a bit of fancy dressing.

However, I would love to see this come true. I’ve made no secret of my disdain for the man, whether it’s his boorishness on the pitch or the idea that we should half (or more) of our transfer budget on him.

My only real regrets are these: one, we again are left looking foolish as some other club beats us to a signature; and two, Suarez, despite committing a serious of offenses, may get rewarded, not just with a fat contract but with Champions League football, something I just don’t believe he deserves.

Yes, he’s been suspended and reprimanded but hardly chastened. He carries with him an impervious sense of being victimized throughout each ordeal and seems only to regret that he’s been caught on film. Enough wallowing. The sooner we see his backside, the happier I’ll be.

I rather hope he has gone to Bayern. Let him see how long Robben or Ribéry tolerate his childishness or ball-hogging ways. As far as we’re concerned, a move to Bayern re-opens the door on Lewandowski, whose move to Bayern would be all but over if Suarez has signed.

Let’s get Szcz?sny, Fabia?ski, and, well, Podolski while we’re at it, and have them get in touch with Lewa to talk up the virtues of playing for Arsenal. After all, he’s made no secret of his desire to leave Dortmund. After our painful loss of van Persie to a league rival, I don’t want Dortmund to go through the same agony.

In fact, we’re morally bound to signing Lewandowski in order to save Dortmund’s fans from seeing him end up at Bayern. With a market-value somewhere in the mid-30′s, we might get him for less than what we’ve apparently offered for Suarez.

Heck, if we get Lewandowski for, say 40m, we still have 30m or so to spend (based on reports that we have about 70m to spend). This would leave us well-positioned to pick up one other high-quality signing. Maybe it’s not quite enough to bring back Cesc, but it could be enough for Fellaini, Gustavo, or Bernard, among others.

With today’s Google+ hangout having ended without anything dramatic from Arséne and with the Emirates Cup days away, it looks like we’ll have to wait until Monday at the earliest to hear any news. So it goes.