Satire: Lord Bendtner updates his diary

Dear Diary,

I am pissed off. The day I arrived at this club, they made a promise that they would keep me happy. And today, here I stand (I am sitting actually ) humiliated and thoroughly cheated. What not have I done for the club, I carried them to the Champions League final single-handedly even without playing a minute. I accepted the manager’s apology for that. I never got angry even when he told the one word I absolutely hate in all languages, ‘Sorry’.

Nicklas Bendtner as cool as ice.

In 2007, I granted him the ultimate favour. He received my autograph on a paper about which I still have no idea. It said that I would receive some money for staying with the club for another five years. Though I thought five years was too much, I did it just for the team and my friends. The manager was too fragile and thin for me to leave him unguarded at Ashburton Grove.

I remember when he called me one night and told me that the name ‘Ashburton Grove‘ struck fear in him, and I told “Think of me, Arsene and fear will hide behind your back”. When he was being humiliated 4-0 by Barcelona, I saved his face by scoring a goal, and I still remember, he never thanked me that day. Instead, he went on blaming my teammates. Had my bladder not been full when I came into the dressing room, I sure would have smacked Arsene.

Then he sent me to Italy stating that the Vatican Pope was feeling too bored these days. He never realized that I was a greater force than him and that I knew the true reason behind his decision. Instead of taking out my anger on him, I just called Arsene and told that Lukas Podolski could be the first-choice. Apparently, Podolski had been afraid he might not even make the bench owing to my presence and had secretly threatened Arsene.

Arsene, who feared I might be too good to leave on the bench knew of my love for God and used that as a bait. What he does not know, I know everything. My anger was suppressed due to my heavy work load at Juventus. I had to prepare a full team for the whole week, and I was given just 90 minutes to rest every other game.

But, my sole concern has been the football, and I was happy to know that Juventus played well. Though my anger at Podolski was not unleashed, his acts of unspeakable evil had not left his soul. I returned after helping Juventus to a title from behind the scenes. On my last day at the Turin, Pirlo called, he was sobbing, ‘’I can’t handle the truth. You are leaving.” I replied, “ Frankly, my dear Pirlo, I don’t give a damn. “.

Nicklas Bendtner

At the airport, they didn’t let me through the security saying I was too strong to be on board. I just laughed at them and walked off. Inside the flight, who should I find beside me but Arsene. I just sat and closed my eyes for a moment. Arsene was on his feet. He was begging me to let Podolski stay in the club. Apparently, Podolski’s arrival had done Arsene no good and my departure had left him torn to shreds. I assured him and tell, “Nobody’s Perfect. One day you will realize, my manager! “. He was on tears and I told, “There’s no crying in football!!.”

But the scar, the scar on Podolski’s soul never left and ever since I returned he never left the hospital. They say he was injured, but I know for one that he dreaded facing the truth. He had been upstaged from the team.

All this I have done for Arsene and yesterday, he lost 5-1 to Liverpool. A place I have always hated owing to the smell of sea from their stadium. And when beyond all the stink I offered to resurrect the team, Arsene told “ It’s okay Nicklas, they deserve to suffer.“

Nicklas Bendtner

Now, I know the true face of Arsene. He doesn’t want the team to win. He wants them to suffer. He has rejected me. After what I have done for so many years, he has betrayed me. I shall never forget this. I shall investigate the true face of Arsene Wenger. He should not be the manager just because his first name is rhyming with the name of the club. That too, my club.