Satire: 5 reasons Manchester United can still win the UEFA Champions League this season

If people think that a 1-2 loss to Sevilla at home will be enough to deter Manchester United, they just haven't watched enough football.

For years, Manchester United have built a reputation for being fighters, both on and off the pitch. "Fergie time", as it is popularly called, lies at the core of every Manchester United belief - it is not over even after it is over.

So what if they have lost to a side that sits fifth in La Liga and 11 points behind a Champions League qualification spot? Football isn't decided by a single game. Or goals. Or shots on target. It is much more than that.

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#5 Jose Mourinho's tactics

The finest manager since Van Gaal to manage Manchester United

One would be hard pressed to find a better tactician in modern football than the wily Portuguese. This is the man who led Porto to the UEFA Champions League title in 2004! There is absolutely no way some of his magic might have gone missing in the 14 years since then.

Besides, Mourinho is the perfect manager for Manchester United. It is only right that a manager who specializes in playing defensive football be in charge of a team that has ridiculously high expectations and wants to play flashy, attractive football. As if someone like Klopp or Guardiola would fit their policy!

Mourinho's line-ups are also perfect at times. So far, he hasn't put a foot wrong at Manchester United - Mata is not a play-maker and it makes sense that he rots on the bench, Luke Shaw has been awful whenever he steps on to the field, playing Marouane Fellaini in a crucial tie to take the opposition by surprise is the best solution.

"Form is temporary; class is permanent" is a commonly used adage and Mourinho is the epitome of that statement.

#4 Paul Pogba's pyrotechnics

Paul Pogba is without a doubt, a football player

Great players are born from great opportunities - not at the first one though. Studies have shown that the chance of this happening is 1 in 52. Luckily for the red devils, Pogba has used up all 51 attempts now and his next game is bound to unleash the greatness within.

If we have learned anything from Adidas advertisements, it is that Pogba is a genius of the highest quality and his dribbles will leave the opposition dumbfounded and also that he can dab - really, really well. Advertisements are contractually obligated to show the truth anyway.

If Pogba manages to replicate even a 100% form that he showed at Juventus, Manchester United can count themselves lucky. He is still young, and by the time he retires, he will have all the experience needed to become the best player in the world.

#3 Who needs a back-line anyway?

Replacing this out-of-form keeper should be United's major concern in the summer

When the whole team is busy defending, and there is the impenetrable David de Gea in goal, what is the point of even having a proper defensive line?

Pundits and fans have come out against the likes of Smalling and Young - stating that they are not Manchester United quality. They might be right, but so what? Playing a right midfielder as a right back might not be the best solution, but it is, at the most, a solution.

Lindelof is still young and is taking his time to adjust himself to the tactics of the team and the absence of Jones hasn't made things easy for the Red devils. Things like these are part of the game and cannot be blamed on the manager or the players. It is clear who the problem is - David de Gea. Letting in two goals is inexcusable.

Besides, it is not like United have extra cash laying around. They aren't a team that just goes around splashing close to 100 million euros on a midfielder. It is the money that is ruining football; not Mourinho.

#2 Alexis Sanchez's impact

The No.7 shirt has in no way affected Sanchez

When an already great team procures the best player from an average team, math indicates that the already great team can only get greater. Who are we to question the laws of mathematics?

For years, Alexis Sanchez has carried Arsenal on his back - he had absolutely no assistance from the likes of Mesut Ozil or Aaron Ramsey or Olivier Giroud. Football doesn't work like that; it is the individuals who win the team plaudits.

Anyone who has watched the game knows that players take no time to settle into a new team. And being the humble guy that Sanchez is, he doesn't get annoyed when his teammates fail to deliver the right pass to him. Combined with his clearly-not-waning age, Sanchez is Mourinho's final piece in this puzzle to victory.

Remember when some people were worried that Manchester United's No.7 shirt has been jinxed since Ronaldo? They must be feeling so stupid right now.

#1 It doesn't matter

What Sevilla don't understand is that nothing matters

So what if they don't win the Champions League?

Millions and millions of years later, when the universe is engulfed in flame by the bursting of our sun and the inevitable heat death of the universe occurs, nobody is going to remember that United lost to Sevilla in the RO16 of the 2017-18 UEFA Champions League.

What they will remember are the 2012-13 EPL win and the 2007-08 UEFA Champions League win and the 2016-17 Europa league title or more importantly, the 2016 Community Shield. History matters so much more than the present, and the sooner the fans realise it, the happier they will be.

William Shakespeare put it best:

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing."

Nothing matters. Especially when the team we support doesn't win.

Disclaimer: "This is a piece of fiction written for humorous purposes and should be taken in jest"