Satire: Andre Villas Boas' letter to the Tottenham Chairman

The 2012-13 Premier League season has ended. Andre Villas Boas’s first season with the Spurs has been really disappointing as the club has finished 15th in the league. AVB now sends a letter to Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy asking Levy to be patient for the sake of a better future.

Tottenham manager Andre Villas Boas

Dear Daniel,

I’m writing this letter because I expect you to be really unhappy after our disappointing season. Even though we achieved none of the targets set at the start of the season, I assure you that we are on the right track. My ‘project’ is long term and I made that very clear during my hiring. Things were bound to get worse before they got any better. The style and tactics which I used at Porto are perfect. These tactics can be used in any league in the world if we allow the ‘project’ to continue. We also have to develop unity between the players and the staff. One year is not enough for that. We will have to face a few more disappointing seasons for the unity to develop.

This season, the players in the team found it very difficult to play the way I wanted them to play, but we couldn’t afford to make any changes in the tactics which I used very successfully at Porto. We had some bad luck too. I put Michael Dawson on the transfer list because the staff thought that William Gallas, Steven Caulker and Jan Vertonghen had no chance of getting injured, but they did. It wasn’t my fault that the staff got it all wrong. The sale of Luka Modric didn’t help my plans. I wanted him to stay, but management allowed him to go to Real Madrid. If Modric had stayed, we could have easily won the FA cup and qualified for the Champions League.

However, all that is now in the past. I’ve already made plans for the future. Here are a few of my ideas for the new season-

1)The staff which made me believe that three Central defenders are enough for the whole season will be immediately replaced. Unfortunately it means that the players will need some more time to adjust to the new system.

2)I have found a perfect replacement for Luka Modric in Raul Meireles. Meireles forced me to keep Frank Lampard on the bench during my time as Chelsea manager. His vision, passing range and ball winning ability makes him much better than Lampard or Modric. He will be a great addition to the team.

3)For a high defense line, I need players who are fast and don’t give away the ball easily. That is why I have decided to play Rafael Van Der Vaart as a defender for the new season. The high defense line is indispensable, hence talented players like Van Der Vaart have to make some sacrifices.

With these new ideas implemented, Tottenham will become the team to beat next season. I want you to believe in the same because I am the first manager who led Chelsea to a Champions League and FA cup double last season. I got both medals through the mail. This successful Chelsea team is the result of my hard work. Sadly, I was sacked before I could enjoy the success. It will be heartbreaking for me if you make the same mistake. It is my sincere request that you allow the ‘project’ to continue for the sake of a successful future.

Regards,Andre Villas Boas