Satire: Ronaldo and Messi discuss their chances of winning the Ballon d’Or

On the January 13, 2014, the entire world will be sitting with bated breath, eager to know who the next Ballon d’Or winner will be. Naturally, it is a fiercely fought contest between the voters and the fixers, and there won’t be a single football fan that won’t be waiting to know the number of votes Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo has won by. Of course, there is another guy as well, not very well known, who somehow managed to reach the finals ahead of the guy who has a long nose and can score a cool goal once in his career.

The following conversation was overheard between Messi and Ronaldo. Messi was rehearsing his award acceptance speech in front of the mirror and Ronaldo was checking out his hairstyle.

Messi: So, you think you can win it this time?

Ronaldo: I suppose so. After all, you were injured for a large part of the season. And Blatter has already revealed who his favourite is. If I don’t win, people will despise him for playing favourites.

Messi: As if they don’t already! *laughs*

Ronaldo: But then, you also managed to win the La Liga and the Copa del Rey, Madrid didn’t win anything, did we?

Messi: Oh c’mon Ron! You know it is an individual thing. You scored goals! That’s what matters! Remember when you played like a lion and ensured that the La Liga trophy went to Madrid? Who won the Ballon d’Or? ME! ‘coz I scored the goals! Remember when Sneijder delivered the treble to Inter? Who won the Ballon d’Or? ME! ‘coz I scored the goals!

Ronaldo: Thanks buddy, I kinda needed that. But I hear this dude won the treble, scored a decent number of goals for a winger, played his heart out on the pitch, making crucial key passes, assists and dribbles.

Messi: Oh Ron, I have won this 4 times now, I know how it works. Just make sure your team pulls all the right strings behind the curtains…

Ronaldo: What?! So you did cheat!

Messi: The only person who believes Barcelona didn’t cheat is Blatter. And that is coz he already knows it!

Ronaldo: And your fans?

Messi: I suppose they know we cheated, but are too busy enjoying the bandwagon.

Ronaldo: I suppose you are right. Darn, this other guy is really getting on my nerves, is he from Atletico?

Messi: Naah, I hear he isn’t from the Spanish league

Ronaldo: Now isn’t that something. A footballer who isn’t from Spain…

Messi: I played against him last year in the Champions League. Some unknown club no proper football fan would have heard of.

Ronaldo: And you lost?

Messi: All my fans say I was injured, and hence, we lost. Otherwise, we would have won. And I would have won the Ballon d’Or again.

Ronaldo: No wonder! I’m sure your fans are right! How can any team other than Real ever think of beating Barcelona?

Messi: Exactly! It’s so frustrating to see them play their hearts out. Don’t they realize that all they have to do is score hat-tricks against Osasuna, Valladolid and Betis to win the Ballon d’Or? Instead, they go on about winning trophies. How stupid!

Ronaldo: And don’t they realize that scoring goals is all there is to football? Of course, setting up games or making crucial runs aren’t important, you just need to tap in, tap in, tap in!

Messi: Oh well, enjoy your second Ron.

Ronaldo: Thanks Leo, keep it real! And for God’s sake, please don’t wear the polka dotted suit this time!

Note: This conversation is as real as Manchester United’s shot at the league title, but as all satires go, the other guy’s’ chances of winning the Ballon d’Or aren’t looking good.