SATIRE: No Messi, no football - Messi and football injured!

Messi being Stretchered off the field

In a recently held emergency press conference (at 2:00 am in the morning), the President of Fédération Internationale de Football Association(FIFA), has announced that, it is time football took a break from people’s life , the ‘Good Boy’ of football, Messi is injured, how can one think of playing football in a difficult situation like this? Argued Mr. Blatter.

It has turned out that almost all the commander fans have started a ‘Blatter out’ movement immediately, with hoardings being put up at every street and every corner.

Blatter mocking Commander

Undeterred by the protests against him, Blatter continued to speak to the media freely, and went on to say that ‘every parent hopes for a son like Messi, it feels as if the entire sport is injured, football has lost its joy, the sport has lost its smile, I don’t care what commander and his fans think, I’ll stand by the good boy’s side in his trying times and I cancel out all the football matches all over the world at once’.

Just as a formality, we (the association) had a talk with all the nations that play football including San Marino (even after their U21 team lost 9-0 to England U21) and we have reached an agreement. If anyone, be it a child or an adult, are caught playing football, he/she will be prosecuted and will have to face severe consequences, continued Mr. Blatter.

On being probed about the effect it will have on the chances of Messi getting Ballon d’Or, Mr. Blatter replied “Oh don’t worry about that, I’ll handle it. Everyone knows where the Ballon d’Or is heading (winks).”

It is being alleged that the news of Messi’s injury has helped him garner more votes for the Ballon d’Or. This was proven when one of the reporter overheard a captain of an international team saying, “gosh, it’s so terrible, how can god do that, he has been such a good boy all these years (sob sob), his injury only goes on to show that he is a human, and thinking of the things he has done being a human, it’s amazing. I was not planning to vote for him, but now, it’s Messi who should win the Ballon d’Or.”

Sepp Blatter urging people to pray for Messi

When asked about his liking towards Messi; with a smile on his face, Mr. Blatter started recollecting his memories about Messi, ” I still remember the time when this young man started playing and he instantly brought a smile on my face, Messi, my boy, such a lovely kid he is. There are people who tend to spend more on hair gels, look at them, their hair is still perfect at the end of the match, and then there’s Messi, who plays football, such a nice guy.” And ended the conference by urging everyone to pray for Messi’s quick recovery and once again warned people to STAY AWAY from football.

News about Blatter’s decision to cancel all football matches for 6 to 8 weeks, sent ripples all over the world; some of the reporters tried getting in touch with a few C. Ronaldo fans, and interestingly got in touch with V. Kohli, the Indian Cricketer, who had gone on record saying that he is a big Cristiano Ronaldo fan.