SATIRE: Problems arise after India wins bid to host 2017 FIFA U-17 World Cup

India managed to win the rights to host the Fifa U-17 World Cup in 2017 on 5th December. This news was greeted with great enthusiasm by the Indian football fans as it marks the first time India will host or participate in any major FIFA tournament after its independence. The last time India got such an opportunity they India famously refused to participate in the 1950 FIFA World Cup in Brazil so fans are skeptical and are trying to keep their excitement in check. The joy was about to be short-lived though as expected as a number of controversies have cropped up their ugly heads since this announcement.

BCCI was the first one to hog the limelight as it refused to give its annual donation of 40 crores to the All India Football Federation if they agreed to use the goal-line technology for the showpiece event. A spokesperson of BCCI commented, “Our ex-presidents Mr. Powar and Mr. Dalmiya find it extremely difficult to understand how the DRS or the goal-line technology works. How do you expect the rest of India to get a hang of this technology? We want the sport to be as simple as possible and enjoyed by all. Besides, the technology is only 99.9999999% accurate. What if India are the victims of the inefficacy of this technology?”

Our sources close to the BCCI claim that BCCI believes in karma and the law of averages and if the goal line technology works then we will be forced to use the DRS technology which will be against traditional Indian values. The Supreme Court of India has also issued a mandate preventing footballers from tackling each other during the World Cup as it involves physical contact between people of the same sex.

In other related news, Mr. Srinivasan has threatened to retain his position as the President of BCCI for an indefinite time unless his conditions are met:

1) His daughter is handed the reins to the management of the U-17 World Cup.2) He will not be held responsible for any misdemeanours conducted by his daughter.

Not to be left far behind, Suresh Kalmadi has also requested the government to grant him another opportunity to wrong his rights. He has already taken advice from Mr. Sanjay Dutt’s lawyers on various ways to get parole if his proposal is accepted.

Given the striking abundance of options at their disposal, Congress has decided to name the president of AIFF, Praful Patel as its back-up prime ministerial candidate in case Mr. Nilekani does not accept their offer. Praful Patel has been one of the figure heads responsible for the successful reign of the Congress party in the last decade which was quite evident in the latest state elections in Delhi, Rajasthan and Madhya Pradesh.

Apart from seeing India stagnate in the football rankings, Mr. Patel has played a tremendously important role in the systematic destruction of Air India during his time as the aviation minister. The Government is also considering Mr. Patel for the Bharat Ratna award for his diverse contributions to the society.

A spokesperson from AIFF believes in the well-known saying that any publicity is good publicity. The source says, “These controversies will help football as Arnab Goswami and other TV anchors will start having football related discussions on prime time television. It will also make people realize that this 90 minute sport is not as boring as is made out by the cricket purists.” AIFF expects this publicity to lead to an increase in ticket sales for the World Cup. They have already convinced Kyazoonga to be their primary online ticket seller as they believe that the sites tendency to crash will stand them in good stead as they aim to sky rocket the ticket prices.

Let’s hope that our beloved sport rises above these controversies and India plays a fantastic host to the U-17 World Cup in 2017.