Satire: Roman Abramovich's diary - Squad check

I then realized that, unlike last time, he has a certain degree of control in transfer dealings this time, and I’m also not supposed to interfere with team affairs. That conversation has put me on a sticky wicket – is he actually planning to let them go, or is he simply playing around trying to give me the creeps? Whatever he thinks, the only way I’m going to sell my top duo to Barcelona is if they agree to sell Leo Messi in return (that way, Leo wouldn’t have the daunting task of scoring past Cech in big games – training sessions will be a story for another day), which I know, won’t happen. So, Mata and Luiz stay. That is final.

Considering the younger brigade now – I must really sort out some players like Piazon, McEachran, de Bruyne and Marin. (Marin has already been banished temporarily to Sevilla) When I first saw the former trio, I never thought they would be this good. Their situations have started to stress me a bit. Selling them for a nice sum would be an easy way out, but I will face criticism more than ever.

Promoting youngsters from the fringes to the first team has not always been my cup of tea (I still do not understand how Ryan Bertrand didn’t get frustrated and got through my youth system after all those loans across this country’s leagues), but these kids are seriously talented. I somehow managed it last year by shipping out 23 players temporarily, and I’m afraid, that cannot continue being the theme again this summer.

Trying to give the world an impression of a ‘young Chelsea‘, I cannot afford to sell them now without giving them a fair run in the main team. To make matters worse, there is talk of me bidding up to 38 million pounds to get Nemanja Matic from Benfica, who, if you remember, I offered them for next-to-nothing to get David Luiz on that crazy deadline day in January 2011. Gosh!

In another area of the team-sheet, I have suddenly realized Petr Cech is my only senior goalkeeper for the upcoming season. I must point this out to Mourinho fast – he seems too engrossed in treating the media to stories of love and reunions. After a quick run through FIFA 13, I have shortlisted three candidates – Shay Given, Mark Schwarzer, and Brad Friedel to be Petr’s deputy. It is Jose’s turn now to decide. I can buy either of these goalies on the cheap, so no FFP to worry about for now.

Coming back to my strikers, I want Edinson Cavani in Chelsea Blue at all costs. If I cannot smuggle Torres out by the deadline, I’m afraid I’l have to let Jose try him out in central midfield, on the wing, or just about anywhere other than up-front, or simply send him the way of Florent Malouda! His current stats are simply not good enough for a Chelsea primary striker’s standards. As for the other lads, Lukaku must be making an appearance off the bench once in a while (you get the strategy right? – one season with the reserves here, another on loan, now a frequent substitute, and then a regular in future) and Demba Ba must still be around to kiss my holy turf whenever he scores.

Behind closed doors, Emelano and Mourinho have made up and reached some sort of a reconciliation – that is, identified a set of transfer targets acceptable to both. That is quite a remarkable achievement in itself. And, before I forget, to general delight, Eva Carneiro has just signed an extension!

I sign off with this mandatory pledge (I have practised this over the last one month, putting in painstaking efforts) : “I will not sack my manager this season even if results falter.“

Until next time,

Roman Abramovich

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and meant to be in jest. All opinion expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Sportskeeda.