SATIRE: The disgraceful techniques in modern day football

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS A WORK OF FICTION, AND IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

[caption id="attachment_937196" align="aligncenter" width="594"] "For the good of football, Barcelona must win!"[/caption]

Geneva: After F.C. Uefalo-, pardon me, F.C. Barcelona's shock loss to a heavily defensive Celtic in the Champions league, The UEFA president Michael Platini has now called for new measures to be taken against 'anti- football' techniques being practiced by top notch clubs. He was quoted after the match saying, "It is high time teams stopped playing to their strengths and started losing to Barcelona. After all, with all the support we give to them in the form of referees, they do deserve to win. We saw Barcelona go down to a 10-man Chelsea earlier this year, and to Inter Milan a few years ago in the same situation, even though they were clearly the better side, and now this."

Attending to the need of the hour, the UEFA have decided to fine teams who play heavily defensive. After all, it is a crime to play to ones strengths, unless the team is Barcelona, and the strength is Tiki- Taka. If the team refuses to mend its ways and concede to Barcelona, then they will soon be disallowed to participate in any European competition.

Fans reactions have never been better while receiving this piece of news. After all, no team play defensively, no matter how astute their defense is. Its perfectly fine to have midfielders getting into the attack progressively and boring the socks off any team just outside the penalty box before dribbling through a sleeping lot, but never can it be fair for any team to have a defense including its mid-fielders and one lone striker for the counter attack. Some examples of indignant fans following the Celtic game:-

[gallery link="file" columns="1"] Michael Platini also addressed the troubling issue of Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid standing a fair chance of defeating Barcelona in the Liga BBVA. He was quoted on this issue saying "We saw Real Madrid win the Liga BBVA and the Super Copa, much to our dismay. And this season, Madrid tied very unfairly against Barcelona, while Atletico Madrid are on equal standing with them in the points table. We have now decided to make sure that Barcelona don't go down to teams playing with arrogant people such as Cristiano Ronaldo or people who score as prolifically as Falcao. We shall now send special referees with unmatched experience [in making teams win unfairly] such as Howard Webb and Mark Clattenberg. We shall also make sure that there will be no replays whatsoever to overrule the referees decision, so that Lionel Messi may not be prevented from scoring with his hand or from an offside position." Now, we can finally have a fair and just game, and the dream of the rightful team winning every match will finally come true! Three Cheers for UEFA, Hip Hip, Hurrah! (you can do the rest)