Tale of the Tabs – 1st September

Marouane Fellaini

More inevitable than a home defeat to Partick Thistle, it is the penultimate edition of Tale of the Tabs.

The Sun

With the excitement of transfer deadline day looming, you would expect The Sun to be mirroring the behaviours of its Murdoch broadcast brother-in-law Sky Sports News and be screaming transfer news from the rooftops. Unfortunately, that is not the case. If anything, it is one of the most underwhelming editions of the summer in terms of transfer content.

The news that Marouane Fellaini is ‘close’ to Old Trafford is hardly the kind of bombshell pre-deadline scoop that we have come to know and love. Further transfer news involving Morgan Amalfitano, Tom Ince, Philip Senderos and Leonardo Ulloa does little to whet the appetite prior to Jim White (the finest thing to come out of Scotland since Campbell Money) strutting his stuff. Very disappointing.

The Sunday Mirror

As has been the case for almost the whole summer, the Mirror flatters to deceive. It appears to have followed the master-plan of linking everyone that they can possibly think of to Arsenal. Jefferson Montero, Karim Benzema, Mesut Ozil, Angel di Maria, Julian Draxler, Yohan Cabaye, Tim Krul and, rather amusingly, Solomon Kalou are the men in question.

Everton also get some coverage with James McCarthy, Ryan Bertand and Bruno Martins Indi all named as possible replacements for the outgoing Leighton Baines and Fellaini. Tom Ince sees himself heading to Newcastle in this publication, with Callum McManaman heading down to Crystal Palace. Underwhelming again from The Mirror, I thought that they would have made a big effort prior to deadline day – I thought wrong.

The People

You can accuse the paper of many things, but not making a big effort before the transfer window slamming shut cannot be one of them. Alan Nixon and the boys have pulled out all the stops for this one, including pretty much every player in world football who has yet to move this summer. Starting with the cavernous space that is the Manchester United central midfield, the paper has no less than FIVE possible transfer targets.

Ilkay Gundogan, Luka Modric, Ander Herrera, Daniele de Rossi and the ubiquitous Fellaini all find themselves name checked as possible targets. The fact that three of them are immediate non starters is neither here nor there – it’s nearly deadline day and the scent of panic buying is in the air.

Arsenal are again given coverage with Draxler and Juan Mata mentioned as possible targets, although Mata will have to request a transfer to seal a move. Peter Odemwingie is synonymous with deadline day and is expected to be pulling up to a car park in Cardiff anytime now.

Jermain Defoe hasn’t been a first choice so far this season, but a move to West Brom or Newcastle would change all that – the only surprise is that Harry Redknapp hasn’t been seen talking up a move for him to QPR. Borini to Sundelrand to replace the West Brom bound Stephane Sessegnon concludes another frenetic week of transfer madness from the paper. What they lack in accuracy, they sure make up in quantity.

The Daily Star on Sunday

Having rivalled The People for transfer silliness all summer, it is no surprise that they do so again here as well. The same five midfielders find themselves linked to Old Trafford, which unfortunately does not make the story any more likely to be true. The paper also links Shinji Kagawa with a move back to Dortmund and mentions Wesley Sneijder as a possible replacement, cleverly turning the rumour mill back in time by two years as well.

Arsenal are also mentioned in the story by a no doubt anxious Mr.Sneijder’s agent, along with the familiar names of Cabaye, Draxler and Ozil. Liverpool find themselves being after four players as well, Mamadou Sakho, Tiago Ilori, Victor Moses and Shay Given. As to be expected a list of random names and clubs without any particular rhyme or reason, but hey, it makes good reading and this is what we care about at the end of the day isn’t it?

The proof of course will be in the pudding and next week I will have a retrospective review of the papers and see who called what correctly and who didn’t. And who knows, I might even mention the Ronaldinho to St.Mirren story just to entertain our editor…