Tale of the Tabs – Sunday 11th August

Haha, Gotcha!

As a Manchester United fan, this can only be counted as a bad week. In all honesty, I’m not sure which is worst. The first mistake was taking a day off work on 8th August to celebrate the glorious return of Cristiano Ronaldo as instructed exclusively by The Sun, only to waste a day hitting F5 more frequently than an angry Brock Lesnar.

The second was the shocking news that Cesc Fabregas has taken the inevitable decision to stay and play with his best mates for his home town club, rather than becoming Anderson’s central midfield partner in crime.

After all of that, we now take a look at another interesting week in the world of football through the eyes of the tabloids.

The Sun

Not that I’m bitter, but coming off the feeble failure of their ’8th August World Exclusive’, I almost feel inclined to boycott this week’s edition. However, I leave boycotts to the Scousers, so will carry on, albeit in an even more cynical tone than normal. That will show them, eh?

The main transfer story is that Luiz Gustavo is the subject of an £18m bid from Arsenal. Seeing that he is probably 7th choice in Bayern Munich’s midfield, this may be plausible, but it is The Sun, so then again…

Tom Ince hasn’t been mentioned for a few weeks, so today is his turn to be linked with an £8m move to Tottenham, presumably if Gareth Bale moves, but more about him later. Having seemingly been off to Fulham for the last couple of weeks, Darren Bent now finds himself a target of Crystal Palace.

Finally, Everton are after Braga’s left back Elderson Echiejile as a potential replacement for the Manchester United bound Leighton Baines. Excuse me if I’m unconvinced by this one.

The People

Now that Fabregas can be suitably deleted from this summer’s Transfer Blockbusters™, we are left with just Messrs Suarez, Rooney and Bale. Go? Stay? Stay? Go? The paper sounds like a badly re-mixed version of The Clash and has as much of a clue dear reader as you and I, the difference being that we aren’t paid copious amounts of money to write this speculative nonsense.

Throwing an almighty spanner in the works of the Luis Suarez deal are Tottenham, who are keen to take him to White Hart Lane should Gareth Bale leave. Cynics might argue the fact that Spurs haven’t qualified for the Champions League as being an issue here, but let’s not let common sense get in the way of a good story.

In a brief summary regarding the others, Bale is probably going and Rooney might be going – until it all changes next week. Further random rumours see William Gallas off to Crystal Palace, Joey Barton to West Ham, Daniel Agger to Barcelona, Will Hughes to Liverpool and Tom Huddlestone, Jake Livermore and Troy Deeney to Hull. A typically diverse week from the paper.

The Sunday Mirror

Some things can be guaranteed every summer. St.Mirren will plod along as only they can, the papers will be full of ‘double swoops’ that never happen and an unheralded band will release a song that captures the summer without getting the credit it deserves.

Anyway, I digress. Linked for the last 47 years with moves to Anfield, Christian Eriksen and Toby Alderweireld could now be off to Spurs for a mere £15m. The first question that should be asked here is if these two are worth £15m, how can Jordan Rhodes be continually valued at £12m?

Permission to leave, sir?

Secondly, when was the last time one of these so called ‘double swoops’ were actually successful? Tread with caution Spurs fans. The paper goes on to claim that Fellaini and Baines will be subject of a £40m bid from Old Trafford this week and £15m of this has been earmarked to bring James McCarthy to Goodison – believable stuff.

Bent to Palace gets another airing along with Jefferson Montero on this occasion and Sunderland are still attempting to buy Charis Mavrias from Panathinaikos.

The Daily Star on Sunday

As you would expect, headlines galore about the stories that matter, although they appear to have missed the biggest, which is that the holders, favourites and all round football connoisseurs St.Mirren have been drawn away to Queen of the South in the Scottish League Cup. What they do have however, is a repeat of the Suarez to Spurs story as well as a Rooney to Arsenal story as well. Come on Wayne, swallow your pride, scrawl that transfer request out and leave.

Further random stories see John Arne Riise off to Werder Bremen, Javier Mascherano improbably returning to Liverpool and Ezequiel Garay remaining at Benfica rather than going to Old Trafford for £21m. It is a relatively sedate effort from the paper compared to their usual barrage of stories, perhaps realising finally that quality over quantity could be the way to go (although many may argue that they are lacking quality here as well).

Now, if only they could tell their rivals over at The Sun, we might be on to something. But what is that I hear? The number 7 shirt has been vacated at Old Trafford? He couldn’t really be coming back could he? Time to get another holiday request ready at work…