Tale of the Tabs – Sunday 4th August

Good bye and good luck! – Ronaldo to head back to Manchester?

Here we take a look at some of the stories that emerged on the back pages of nation’s top newspapers in the past week. Some of them make sense, while the others… Have a look yourself.

The Sun

Let us not forget that almost two months ago to the day, the paper claimed that Cristiano Ronaldo is re-signing for Manchester United on 8th August. I’ve booked the day off work and assume that you all have as well.

Surprisingly, considering the advance nature of the scoop, there is no mention made in this week’s edition. An editorial oversight surely? Even a transfer pessimist such as myself would never doubt such an assured prediction of a signing such as this. Right? Guys?

The paper instead chooses to regurgitate headlines on the same four players who featured so heavily last week; Gareth Bale, Wayne Rooney, Cesc Fabregas and Luis Suarez. The Bale move hinges on Fabio Coentrao moving to White Hart Lane as part of the deal, or so the paper tells us.

Regarding Suarez, Arsene Wenger has informed a “close pal” (cynics might suggest it was an off the record briefing) that Suarez will sign for Arsenal before the end of August.

Cesc Fabregas, of course, would grace any stadium in the world, including Love Street. According to the paper, he has the choice to make as to whether to stay at the Nou Camp or go to Old Trafford. We shall see…

Wayne Rooney, meanwhile, played in a friendly against Real Betis – hurrah!

Further news sees Arsenal agreeing a fee for Freiburg’s Matthias Ginter and Darren Bent risking another action free season at Aston Villa as Fulham are not prepared to meet his valuation. The calm before the storm this week in preparation of Ronaldo’s move back to Old Trafford, the most triumphant homecoming since DI Burnside rejoined The Bill.

The People

Another week sees another chance for me to reference the work of Wayne Rooney’s Mr.20% – Paul Stretford. Additionally, another nervous week at the editorial towers of Born Offside as they fear the incoming libel action.

This week, we are told that Rooney is furious. Furious that is, with Manchester United Head Honcho Ed Woodward for not promising him a guaranteed 1st team place and a new contract. Furious with Chelsea for only offering £23m for him, furious with the local takeaway for running out of chicken pakora, and furious with his local golf club for moving next to Chelsea’s training ground. In summary, Wayne is furious.

In an additional summary, Bale – going, Suarez – probably going, Fabregas – who knows? Onto more interesting news.

David Luiz’s price tag has been set at £45m. I wonder who Barcelona could sell to raise that? Tom Ince finds himself a target of Everton and Newcastle and further Everton news sees them as the latest club to be linked with Toby Alderweireld.

Fulham would like to sign Scott Dann from Blackburn, who in turn would replace him with Oldham’s James Tarkowski. Last and by no means least, Scotland international Jordan Rhodes is currently valued at £12m. Who said football was out of control, eh?!

The Sunday Mirror

Exciting news this week from the paper who have been briefed (sorry, have discovered through their extensive network of sources) that Wayne Rooney will shortly ask for a transfer. Adios Wayne!

Bastian Schweinsteiger – Will swap Munich for Manchester, or will he?

The comedy story of the week sees Bastian Schweinsteiger linked with a move to Old Trafford, should the Fabregas offer fail. Apparently, getting rid of Schweinsteiger is a gamble that Pep Guardiola may well take, according to Simon Mullock.

There are no quotes with the story, but I believe we’ve ascertained so far this summer that the general rule is to give an opinion and quantify it with either ‘might’, ‘may’, ‘could’ or ‘perhaps’.

Meanwhile, Marouane Chamakh is about to move on loan to Crystal Palace and Kevin Doyle could soon be gracing the hallowed Love Street turf, albeit as a visiting Celtic player.

Finally, Hull City are planning a move for the wonderfully named Eric Tie Bi and the rather more mundanely named Jack Colback in a £5.5m double deal.

The Daily Star on Sunday

The Star either haven’t been briefed by Mr.Stretford, or have chosen to blithely ignore it, as they claim that Wayne Rooney wants to stay at Old Trafford. Even resorting to block capitals to emphasise their point, Rooney “DOES NOT” want to leave. So I guess that we can assume he’s staying, forget writing about it again and all live happily ever after.

Not happy with that scoop, Steve Millar continues with an “exclusive” that United want to buy Fabregas, Fellaini and Baines for a combined £80m. Whilst an enjoyable story no doubt, I’m struggling to comprehend the ‘exclusive’ aspect of it seeing that all three players have been continually linked with United all summer by various media outlets and that those media outlets include The Daily Star, pretty much every single week.

An interesting story reaches from Europe. St.Etienne are looking for a big name player to replace the departed Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. The player is not Steven Thompson, who will continue plying his trade at Love Street, but Carlton Cole, fresh from being released by West Ham.

Rolando, who has been a target of Newcastle so far this summer, now finds himself a target of his old boss Andres Villas-Boas at Spurs. Speaking of Newcastle, they are after Loic Remy on loan from QPR, as well as Wigan’s midfielder, James McCarthy.

All in all, another week of Fabregas, Rooney, Bale and Suarez-centric news. When will it all end? On the 8th August of course, when Ronaldo comes home, Viva Ronaldo indeed…