Tale of the Tabs – Sunday 4th August

The Sunday Mirror

Exciting news this week from the paper who have been briefed (sorry, have discovered through their extensive network of sources) that Wayne Rooney will shortly ask for a transfer. Adios Wayne!

Bastian Schweinsteiger – Will swap Munich for Manchester, or will he?

The comedy story of the week sees Bastian Schweinsteiger linked with a move to Old Trafford, should the Fabregas offer fail. Apparently, getting rid of Schweinsteiger is a gamble that Pep Guardiola may well take, according to Simon Mullock.

There are no quotes with the story, but I believe we’ve ascertained so far this summer that the general rule is to give an opinion and quantify it with either ‘might’, ‘may’, ‘could’ or ‘perhaps’.

Meanwhile, Marouane Chamakh is about to move on loan to Crystal Palace and Kevin Doyle could soon be gracing the hallowed Love Street turf, albeit as a visiting Celtic player.

Finally, Hull City are planning a move for the wonderfully named Eric Tie Bi and the rather more mundanely named Jack Colback in a £5.5m double deal.

The Daily Star on Sunday

The Star either haven’t been briefed by Mr.Stretford, or have chosen to blithely ignore it, as they claim that Wayne Rooney wants to stay at Old Trafford. Even resorting to block capitals to emphasise their point, Rooney “DOES NOT” want to leave. So I guess that we can assume he’s staying, forget writing about it again and all live happily ever after.

Not happy with that scoop, Steve Millar continues with an “exclusive” that United want to buy Fabregas, Fellaini and Baines for a combined £80m. Whilst an enjoyable story no doubt, I’m struggling to comprehend the ‘exclusive’ aspect of it seeing that all three players have been continually linked with United all summer by various media outlets and that those media outlets include The Daily Star, pretty much every single week.

An interesting story reaches from Europe. St.Etienne are looking for a big name player to replace the departed Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. The player is not Steven Thompson, who will continue plying his trade at Love Street, but Carlton Cole, fresh from being released by West Ham.

Rolando, who has been a target of Newcastle so far this summer, now finds himself a target of his old boss Andres Villas-Boas at Spurs. Speaking of Newcastle, they are after Loic Remy on loan from QPR, as well as Wigan’s midfielder, James McCarthy.

All in all, another week of Fabregas, Rooney, Bale and Suarez-centric news. When will it all end? On the 8th August of course, when Ronaldo comes home, Viva Ronaldo indeed…