Tale of the Tabs – Sunday August 18th

The Sunday Mirror

Starting on the back page with words as inspiring as a Danny Lennon teamtalk, the paper claims to have a guide to “….who every Prem club needs”. Turning to that page, it appears that Indykaila has got a job with the paper, such is the level of drivel being served up.

Liverpool are on the verge of signing Willian for £15m so they say and who are we to doubt the wisdom of Steve Stammers? Arsenal are not only after Michu, but also Lars Bender, Micah Richards, Juanfran and PSV whizzkid Zakaria Bakkali. Spend, spend, spend, eh Gooners?

Luka Modric – Plans to land in Manchester?

Luka Modric, meanwhile, is foregoing first team football at Real Madrid to head over to Old Trafford along with, of course, Marouane Fellaini. Nicklas Bendtner could be off to Basel (can see him taking that move in his stride with no tantrums) along with Mladen Petric.

Also, joyous news for us all is that Stephen Ireland is alive and well and a target for Stoke, but only if they can afford his £3m a year salary – welcome to football gone mad Part 5761. A change in style from the paper this week from their more conservative style to outright nonsense, no doubt using the “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” adage.

The Daily Star on Sunday

As predictable as a St.Mirren away defeat (Editor – you’re at it boy), the Star come steaming in with their usual combination of half truths, conjecture and assorted madness. The first thing that they do is to lift a story directly from last week’s Sunday Mirror, that being that Everton will use the money from the sales of Fellaini and Baines to Manchester United to fund a move for James McCarthy – nothing like originality, is there boys?!

Falcao becomes a target for Cheslea, United and Arsenal apparently due to a dispute between Monaco and the French governing body over taxation policy. The key statement is from AS Monaco in the penultimate paragraph and not really commented on by the paper – “The club categorically deny rumours about a sale of Falcao”. Say no more.

West Ham are after Oscar Cardozo from Benfica, whilst Sunderland are looking at Juventus’s Paolo De Ceglie and Newcastle and Palace are interested in Jefferson Montero, lucky him.

One man who is noticeable by his absence in any major stories this week is Gareth Bale. No mention is made regarding a definitive move to Madrid, although the rumours of him giving the silent treatment to the club (acknowledged and claimed as untrue) are briefly touched upon.

Could it be that the papers have learnt their lesson from earlier in the summer and are being less hasty with their pronouncements? Or is it due to the fact that they genuinely don’t have a clue what is going on? If my experience of this summer is anything to go by, then it is definitely the latter. 8th August indeed…