The Anonymous mind

[This is a strictly a fictional piece and any resemblance with the reality is absolutely co-incidental. The above depicts the mind of an anonymous old man, who, perhaps, aspired to be sports-person but never followed his dream as he ended up making the wrong choices. It's not known what exactly he wanted to play; one understands it may be football, given the faint resemblance with it in his "illusion". As he prepares for his final day, this thoughts are hazy, unrealistic, disconnected, repetitive and often meaningless]

My eyes are wide open; been like this for a while now. From the far beyond, I could see a thin ray of light sneaking into my leaky room; dust surrounding it much like the bees around a hive. Yes, perhaps it’s already dawn then; not that it matters much to me.

I’m old now; puzzled with my random thoughts, blurry in my vision. I realize that my time wouldn’t be far away. Yet, there is something that is bothering me for some time now…umm no, I can’t quite make out what! I have been laying still for days; I am weak and I could barely move; is this what is bothering me?? Ahhh no, I don’t think so..

hmm….ahmm..

yess…

Clouds..eh.. dark clouds were hovering around the moon last night.. time and again it disappeared and then appeared again.. then disappeared.. seemed about time they would finally engulf the moon! Funny.. draws a very sound analogy with what is left of my life.. it is just about the time…

Ah, I should tell you I have this strange habit of mumbling in my thoughts, you know! yeah..

Oh wait, have I done that already?? ahmm…

hmm..

A thin breeze had been touching my wrinkled skin for a while now; accompanying the smell of freshly cut grass… ahh.. the smell.. what is it with the grass?… my eyes widens and my heart skips a couple of beats! suddenly I have the final ounce of energy left in me.

I move round my neck around the room; perhaps for the first time in a long while. It felt as if there was something willing to come out within me.. for the last time.. one last time.. I was excited again!

I look down the window pane; the breeze had picked up by now. The adjacent trees sway around, rhythmic to the wind. But wait, I see no trees.. There are people; lots of people, cheering; dancing; dancing around as rhythmic as those trees..

I rub my hand down the velvet carpet…

No! its not the carpet anymore, its the grass again.. yes..yes, am I back? back where I belonged??

I look around with a hint of astonishment… I see images of people around me. They were all with me, as the crowd down the window pane cheer on.

Down the corner of my room, there is this tiny hole.

I stare and stare on; till it expands into a large possible target.

In my mind, I run; run towards my target. But ‘they’ would not let me do so. Yes the images; they converge towards me in numbers.

I dribble; dribble past all of them.. but they keep on coming back, back and back..I wouldn’t know why…

Yet somehow, I knew I wouldn’t be giving up today. I fight and fight on, till I turn back to see them past me. There was no one between me and the target now. I steady myself….

…and SMASH…..!!!

A ruptorous applause breaks down. I look back bewildered; the crowd has erupted.

YES YES YES! I had finally done it.. I swing my hands in joy; lifting it up in the air. Perhaps my face hasn’t seen the broadest smile in a long while now.

I jump and jump and jump until it was all blank again..

As the light returns to my eyes, I look around frantically.

Down the window pane the trees were back; NO!.no.. the crowd, its gone!

The images, yes the images, they are gone too; and the target now seems..ah.. quite out of my visibility. What happened?

Am I back in my room again.. or was I here all along? I was back motionless. Yet, slowly but steadily an aura of calmness dawned upon me.

For now I knew what kept bothering me for so long. A sinking feeling ran down my chest. I remember someone telling me a long ago that a man’s deepest desire always finds a way to put on a final thrust at the dying moment’s of one’s life.

In my life, I have had to make several choices. Did I make some wrong ones? Perhaps so.

My eyes are now going back to sleep. Probably the time has finally come. As I skip past my final breaths, I hear a rumbling sound outside. Its the kids; on their way to the “field” of joy, glory and happiness. I feel pleased for them; for they still have the time to make the right choices. Yet I am sad that some of them eventually wouldn’t, leaving themselves with only what I have today – An Anonymous Mind..

.

.....

Duh! I wake up again. Guess I have had similar streaks of fuzzy thoughts for long now; for long enough; enough for me to be unsure of my existence….sigh!…

So where exactly was I? Yes…yeah..

My eyes are wide open; been like this for a while now. From the far beyond, I could see a thin ray of light sneaking into my leaky room…