The Classic satire

El Clasico – meaning ‘The Classic’. It’s not ‘El Classico ‘ or ‘El derby’, it’s El Clasico! Now that we have got the most commonly repeated mistake out of the way, let us move onto the next lesson – ‘It is more than just a game’. If somebody talks down the importance of the fixture, just poke him in the eye – Mou style.

For the sake of milking reads out of the fans, everyone tries to come up with his own angle about the already said story. Messi-Ronaldo angle, Jose-Pep angle, Money-Skills angle….and it doesn’t even stop at the ‘Star Wars’ fan boys sensing an imbalance in the force!

After a few cups of coffee and one full night spent on reading old articles about the Clasico, I gave up on writing an article, citing exhaustion, and forgave myself for being a mere manutd mortal with no proper knowledge whatsoever on the Clasico.

Did Sir Alex give up on the League title chase ( he almost did retire in 2002) ? Yes it took him 25 years to reach there, but I just took 2.5 secs to settle on an angle.

What better way to milk a few reads than a piece on Messi? I don’t want a piece, I want the whole pie! Any pie is incomplete without a filling. What tastes better than revenge, and who is a better nemesis than Cristiano?

My article should be brilliant and all, but how?

I know how, why don’t we caricature the Clasico as a Messi-Ronaldo bout? Say Rocky Balboa vs Ivan Drago. Since Messi is the short one, he can be Sylvester Stallone and Ronaldo can be Dolph Lundgren.

*Drum roll* Weighing at 210 pounds, with a career record of 54 K.O, in the red corner……Lionel ‘Ballon d’Or’ Messi.

*Stars are blind by Paris Hilton* Weighing at 261 pounds, with a career record of 30 K.O, in the white corner……Cristiano ‘Winking’ Ronaldo.

Round 1

THUMB FIGHT!

Ronaldo throws a punch, Messi ducks his thumb. Ronaldo with a left jab, Messi blocks him.

Messi throws a haymaker out of where, Ronaldo’s thumb goes down! his thumb is down!

1..2..3..4..5..6..

The crowd are up on their feet….

7..8..9..10..You’re out!

*Tung Tung* There goes the bell, Messi wins! Messi wins!

Round 2

STARING CONTEST

Both the contestants lock their eyes in a fixated stare. 5 mins pass without much trouble.

10 mins pass and tiny beads of sweat start to form on Messi’s brow.

Ronaldo seizes the opportunity and narrows his eyes in concentration.

Xavi, Ineista, Busquets, and Guardiola surround the referee arguing that Ronaldo has blinked.

Messi sneezes amid all this melee.

*Tung Tung* Winking Ronaldo wins! The crowd goes berserk, and Busquets goes to the ground clutching his face.

Round 3

PIE EATING CHAMPIONSHIP

Messi and Ronaldo put their hands behind their back and wait for the whistle.

The whistle goes off, they bury their faces into the meat pie…..

They match each other pie for pie, pound for pound….

Every plate was cleaned off in 15 bites.

An hour later, the organizers ran out of pies!

*Tung Tung* The match ends in a tie.

I know this post is everything else but awesome, however my mission is accomplished, I have milked my reads out of you.

Watch our truly awesome and exclusive El Clasico promo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=gQeNWlDO83s

At least I hope that you would find this awesome.