The "Cry-Babies" of football

Soft. It is a simple word to which almost all the footballers have a revulsion. The quickest way to get identified as soft is to cry, whimper and to dive at every possible opportunity which a player gets after some contact. Some of these tears are defensible whereas some are not. So who are the main crybabies in football? As you would have thought, there is focus on some of the biggest names in the game, and while that may be a bit unjust bearing in mind that these people are constantly under the scrutiny of the media, not a soul is forcing them to spew out some of the gobbledygook they do! Without further ado, heeeere’s Johnny (refer to “The Shining”):

Cristiano Ronaldo:

Ronaldo’s moniker was “cry-baby” as a child, but even after becoming a sporting icon and arguably one of the greatest players the world has ever seen, his nickname is still “cry-baby”, and he is truly deserving of the top spot in my list. He dives on every occasion at the slightest hint of contact from the opposition, he fights with referees at every possible opportunity and when he dives disgracefully, he always expects the referee to give a free kick. When things don’t go his way, he cries like a 10-year old boy. He snivels and gets angry very easily — if a team-mate doesn’t pass him the ball, if he or someone else misses a goal, or if the team just isn’t playing according to his needs, then his never-ending tantrums start and never cease. In fact, if you want to see Ronaldo cry, just dump him out of an international tournament and you should see that lip start to tremble.

Here is his mother Dolores Aveiro in her own words: “When he got home from school I’d tell him to do homework but he’d say he didn’t have any. I’d be making dinner and he would jump out of the window and run off until late. He used to cry when he passed and his friends didn’t score. People called him ‘cry-baby’ and ‘little bee’ because nobody could catch him.”

Didier Drogba :

Time and again, Drogba looks unconquerable, unassailable and unplayable – but he has never stayed at the pinnacle of the people’s opinion for too long, as a moment of unrepentant lunacy is more often than not on the way. Drogba’s form is so reliant on his frame of mind that it must be like managing a colossal child. Perhaps he should have moved to Wenger’s daycare centre when he had that chance. Drogba is no foreigner to “shameful” deception and he, along with Cristiano Ronaldo, after all, are the greatest over-actors to charm our screens since Jim Carrey. Scoring goals and grousing go hand in hand with Didier Drogba. This is a man who even at his best against the best Premier League teams does his reputation no good when he goes down quicker than Derby County; always faking injuries and slowing up play. However, when someone from the oppostion is injured, he always argues against the officials and the player to hurry up and get on with it. Perhaps two of his most famous antics are:

a) On the last day of the 2009-10 season when Chelsea were playing Wigan, he had a big fit of temper on the field just because he wanted the Golden Boot, and instead of him, Lampard was taking the penalty.

b) We all remember the words he shrieked into a camera after Barcelona beat Chelsea in which he was disgracefully lying down for almost half of the game which solidified him as a “con-man”, and which could be the label of his biography: “A f***ing disgrace.”

We’ll remember the freefall and the rolls on the ground, the time-wasting and the sulks, the pessimism and treachery instead of a big shot who could have been a contender for the title for the best striker in the world.

“I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it.” (Marlon Brando in the film “On The Waterfront”)

Arsene Wenger :

Wenger is an exceptional tactician. His teams play exhilarating and attractive football and Arsenal also have the talent to match any team in the world. But as much as it pains me to say this, it’s Wenger’s cry-baby, blame-the-rest-of-the-world way of thinking that gives explanation to Arsenal collapsing season after season, and continuously getting hammered in the Champions League. Wenger often vents his frustration on the poor bottle positioned in the vicinity. Hands on hips and hands spread out wide complaining is a common sight in the Arsenal dugout. Even during post match interviews, Wenger hardly ever blames any of his players, but the regularity of his pointing the finger at someone else for an Arsenal loss or dropped points has kind of tapered the effect of his vindication. Every time something even slightly doesn’t go Arsenal’s way, it’s always someone or something else’s fault, in Wenger’s eyes.

“I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea” – Jose Mourinho

Luis Suarez :

Having displayed his Hand of God tribute at the World Cup, and sunk his gnashes into another player while at Ajax, Luis Suarez was a ready-made piece of work when he swept up on the coast in January two seasons ago. In spite of everything, it’s even now a bit of a kick in the teeth how promptly the Uruguayan has found himself to be the prime interloper in English football. Despite possessing top class talent, he is unquestionably the biggest cry-baby currently playing in the Premier League. He has even managed to racially abuse Patrice Evra in between all his whining by calling him a ‘Neg*o’ seven times during the match between Liverpool and Manchester United. The Uruguayan often moans and angrily wigwags when a decision doesn’t go his way. Take account into his diving and all the theatrics that he displays so effectively - We got a winner, I said we got a winner, we got a winner! ( “Requiem for a Dream”, anyone?)

Suarez will dive at almost every opportunity he gets – seems to be fond of scuba-diving rather than playing football!

Diego Maradona:

In 1986, Diego Maradona’s “Hand of God” helped eliminate England as Argentina went all the way in Mexico. It looked like Maradona was going to replicate the achievement four years later in Italy, but a 1-0 defeat to West Germany in the final put an end to that – and left Maradona standing in the center of the pitch, with his loser’s medal, in a downpour of tears. The world gazed – and one does have a sneaking suspicion that Peter Shilton, Peter Reid and Terry Butcher may have had a cynical smile across their faces as a result. From his playing days up to his more recent managerial experiences, the world player of the century has questioned his peers and spoken against them more often than not. Add to it his well documented drugs-related problems, and suddenly all his accomplishments go out of the window. From the moment he was chosen to lead Argentina, one had a feeling that this was not going to be a fairytale and a sack came eventually, two years after the man repeatedly had a bone to pick with almost anyone who questioned him. In May 2011, he became manager of Dubai club - Al Wasl FC in the United Arab Emirates, but was sacked on 10 July 2012 due to his constant complaining about the owners combined with the bad results. Not surprising, eh?

Enough of the whining Maradona!

People that narrowly missed the list :

Nani :

Nani is the only player in football who I loathe. I just cannot stand him. He is self-centered and he has a terrible attitude. I have never seen a player go down as much as Nani. Nani has also managed to cry after a tackle from Jamie Carragher hurt him. Seriously, how many footballers have shed tears after a hard tackle? Recently he has also said that he is not satisfied with his contract which only adds to his cry-baby nature. That being said, he is also a dazzling player. But for me, his cons far overshadow the pros.

Wayne Rooney :

You can generally feel it when Rooney is in a sour mood; he throws a rage spasm like few other players can. He is a very aggressive and passionate player, no doubt, but sometimes, in the heat of the battle, loses his temper and overshoots the boundary line. For instance, he just swung his leg against Montenegro’s Miodrag Dzudovic when he lost the ball to him resulting in a well-deserved red card. His temper has improved as he has matured, but the Montenegro sending-off was a reminder of something that will eternally be creeping around inside of him.

William Gallas:

Arsenal captain at the time, William Gallas walked down the other end of the pitch following the divisive decision by referee Mike Dean in the match between Birmingham and Arsenal, before then hammering an advertising hoarding and even blowing up into tears following the final whistle as he sat heartbroken in the centre-circle. I mean come on – which captain sulks into the opposition’s half after a loss and refuses to get up?

Special Mention:

The Real Madrid and Barcelona Players in the El Clasico:

This encounter certainly doesn’t display the best football as you would expect, although there are two of the best teams in world football going head to head, simply because most of the players are fussy little drama queens. They do almost everything other than play football in this contest – diving and arguing with the referee seem to be the main focus of the match. Just get up and play Goddamnit!