The many faces of football fanatics

Modified Feb 16, 2012 08:04 GMT

For all us football fanatics, there comes a time when we cross the threshold of fanaticism and deem ourselves as the ‘Pundits of the game’. It is in this exalted state, that we don the judge’s hat and take a condescending call on every nincompoop who professes an addiction to the beautiful game.

Here’s an unbiased and objective take on those lesser ‘pundits’

Type 1 – Gyan Guru

Key attributes -

A warehouse of all knowledge pertaining to his club, league table, weekend fixtures, timings, stats, WAGs, rumors, scandals etc
Easy to spot with his pedantic ways about match predictions and condescending attitude to anyone other than himself discussing football
Discussing his fantasy teams, substitutions and leader boards 24^7

Life beyond football –

Limited to eating and passing stool.

Favorite Lines -

“I told you so”
“The manager should bring on XYZ only in the last 1o minutes because………….. “

Type 2 – Gyan Guru’s friend/rival/sibling (irked by the self appointed ‘Pundit’)

Key attributes –

Easy to spot with a heady combination of their easy going attitude interspersed with vitriolic fits whenever Gyan Guru starts his discourse
Suddenly active in the footballing social circles whenever Gyan Guru’s team loses

Life Beyond football –

Does everything other than sit and watch a game
Digging up old videos of embarrassing moments for Gyan Guru’s team

Favorite Lines –

“Football……….. Bloody hell!!!” – no realisation whatsoever that this line was patented by Sir Alex Ferguson on that night in Barcelona
“Your f@#$%^& team lost……… (more profanities with devilish smiles)…….”

Type 3 – Wannabe cool ‘football’ dude (needs acceptance in the footballing circles)

Key attributes –

Shiny fake jersey with incorrect spellings of club/player
Favorite footballer – Ronaldo since the last 15 years ……… still clueless about the different Portuguese and Brazilian versions
Footballing fashion disaster – often couples a Liverpool Jersey with a matching Man United muffler

Life beyond Football

Aspirational lifestyle – haircut of Beckham, Ronaldo’s torso; Gattuso’s rough streak; Terry’s playboy ways

Favorite Lines

“Maaan….. you should see Ronaldo play; he wins World Cups!!!”
“Dude…….. you saw last night’s match?? Messi’s girl friend was hot……….”

Type 4 – Parents (some of them at least)

Key Attributes –

In the garb of spending quality time, they sit and watch a match with their football fanatic kids
Typical comments during match – “Where is the match taking place? It is so cold out there? Why do they play during such harsh winters? Why are they playing so aggressively…….. It’s just a game? How boring……… no goals?”
In short, parents (some of them at least) desperately and unknowingly try to take the fun out of a football match.

Life beyond Football –